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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that public health of a country can be improved if the government make laws regarding nutritious food but others think that it is the matter of personal choice and personal responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion. #people #health #cou

It is believed by a few
individuals
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 that the
health
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 of society can be enhanced when the government implement laws towards
food
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that is
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 rich in nutritious values,
while
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 others perceive that it should be
everyone
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's own choice and duty for themselves. I will be explicating both the ideas
while
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 presenting my own viewpoints in the essay below. First and foremost,
according to
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 some
people
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, it is the responsibility of the government to implement policies which can keep a check on businesses and
individuals
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 who are selling
food
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 items to their consumers. There should be a standard set by the authorities, so that
everyone
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 is getting
food
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 up to a certain nutritious value, because not
everyone
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 is aware of a healthy and balanced diet.
For instance
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, in India, so many street vendors are using artificial flavours and synthetic products, which are harmful but delicious.
Thus
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,
people
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 who are not aware are consuming it, which, in the long term, affects their
health
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 in adverse ways.
On the other hand
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, other
individuals
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 believe that
everyone
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 should be taking care of their personal
health
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 by themselves, because it is imperative to manage their own
health
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 by an individual.
Furthermore
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, most
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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human
being
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beings
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 are well aware of healthy and unhealthy products, but
still
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still,
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due to
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 better taste and unhealthy
life style
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lifestyle
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, they still prefer taste over
health
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. To illustrate, a huge amount of
population
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the population
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 is aware of the adverse
affect
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effects
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 related to fast
food
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 and
sugery
Correct your spelling
sugary
 drinks, still
everyone
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 is
conusing
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consuming
 those. In conclusion, even though there are different views among
individuals
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, who should
be
Verb problem
apply
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take
Fix the agreement mistake
action
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actions
Punctuation problem
actions,
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either
Correct word choice
whether
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 it is
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 or
by
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apply
show examples
people
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 themselves. I firmly believe that there should be a common ground, where authorities are providing
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then
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the
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 proper information and
people
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 are choosing the best products for themselves.

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task response
To raise task response, give a clear view in the end. Add stronger reasons for both sides and a firm opinion in the conclusion. Develop ideas with simple, direct points.
structure
content
The essay shows an honest attempt to discuss both views.
example
There are real life examples, like street vendors in India, that relate to health issues.
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