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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below shows the employment rates of the 25 to 34-year and 55 to 64-year-old population according to the highest level of education attained in two separate years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the employment rates of the 25 to 34-year and 55 to 64-year-old population according to the highest level of education attained in two separate years. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart depicts the percentage of workers of the two
age
Use synonyms
 groups , 25-34 and 55-64 years population by their highest level of
education
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
 , in
both
Use synonyms
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
, 25-34 post-secondary and tertiary
education
Use synonyms
 had the highest
employment
Use synonyms
 rate
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
 least amount of
employment
Use synonyms
 was allocated to the 55-64 year-old population for secondary
education
Use synonyms
. Among
both
Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
groups , the
employment
Use synonyms
 proportion is dominant in higher studies. Looking into more details in 2005 and 2015, the 25-34 year
age
Use synonyms
 group below upper secondary had just above 60% and for around 60% respectively,
while
Linking Words
 it was 40% and 50% 55-64
age
Use synonyms
 community. Upper secondary accounted for almost 80% in
both
Use synonyms
 years in the 25-35
age
Use synonyms
 group.
In contrast
Linking Words
, 25-35 year-olds had almost 90% in
both
Use synonyms
 non-tertiary and tertiary
education
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 looking at 55-64 year-olds , upper secondary had just above 50% in the given time post Post-secondary accounted for about 60% and tertiary had an
employment
Use synonyms
 rate of 60% in 2005 , and it reached 65% in the year 2015.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, education, both, employment with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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