IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Young people are now spending more and more time and money following fashion trends. What is your opinion? Is this a postive or negative development?

In recent times, youngsters are spending more
time
Use synonyms
 and money following fashion
trends
Use synonyms
.I believe
this
Linking Words
 is a negative development
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 essay will explain
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
 why. First of all,one of the main negative impacts of spending on
trends
Use synonyms
 is unnecessary peer pressure.Most teenagers
get
Verb problem
are
show examples
 influenced by
unnecessary
Correct article usage
an unnecessary
show examples
 lifestyle and consume all their resources.
This
Linking Words
 is because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
they get mocked at by peers when they are not able to afford lifestyles
such
Linking Words
Change preposition
as clothings
show examples
clothings
Fix the agreement mistake
clothing
show examples
.A study conducted in
cape coast
Fix capitalization
Cape Coast
show examples
 revealed that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of young people get pressured
as a result
Linking Words
 of copying what is going on.
Secondly
Linking Words
,another negative development associated with young children following
trend
Correct article usage
the trend
show examples
 is poor academic performance.Teenagers waste
time
Use synonyms
 on social media
such
Linking Words
 as Instagram,TikTok and
snap chat
Use the right word
Snapchat
show examples
 to learn
trends
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of reading their books.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 ,they get very low scores in
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
.A survey conducted revealed that 80% of poor academic performance is
due to
Linking Words
 too much
time
Use synonyms
 spent on
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 clearly explains why spending money on
trends
Use synonyms
 is bad. In conclusion,the writer agrees
money
Correct word choice
that money
show examples
 and
time
Use synonyms
 wasted on
trends
Use synonyms
 is not worth it
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 it leads to poor academic performance and unnecessary pressure.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task
Plan a clear answer first. State your view, then give two reasons with simple facts or examples. Make sure each idea is linked to the topic.
grammar
Use simple and correct grammar. Check sentences for subject-verb and punctuation. Use 'for example' or 'such as' correctly.
coherence
Make your points clear in each paragraph. One idea per paragraph with a short end line and a link to the next.
examples
Give real or strong examples. Do not rely on many numbers that may not be true. If you use data, explain it and keep it simple.
stance
The essay shows a clear view that fashion trends affect teens in a bad way.
organization
There is a simple shape with an intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: