IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people think art such as sculpture and music cannot improve the quality of people’s lives so the government should not spend money on them but on health and defence. What is your opinion?

Some
people
Use synonyms
 think art
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as sculpture and
Use synonyms
music
Punctuation problem
music,
show examples
 cannot improve the quality of
people
Use synonyms
's lives
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 the government should not spend money on them
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
such
Linking Words
 thinking is not necessarily accurate. We have seen examples of monuments that have become the identity of the cities they are in
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they have created massive economic activity around
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. Let's take the Eiffel Tower
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
 example, it has become the identity of Paris, every year it attracts millions of tourists from across the world who spend and contribute Billions of euros to the economy of France and Paris
in particular
Linking Words
.
Such
Linking Words
 economic activities allow governments to reinvest that money into infrastructure, healthcare and education sectors of the country, which results
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
upliftment
Correct article usage
the upliftment
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
's lives.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 helps
people
Use synonyms
 to improve productivity, improve focus and
relief
Replace the word
relieve
show examples
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
daily life stress.
Music
Use synonyms
 has
also
Linking Words
 presented the opportunity for independent artists to create their own content and generate monetary benefits from it so that
can
Correct pronoun usage
they can
show examples
 live a dignified life.
While
Linking Words
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should spend
bill
Correct article usage
a bill
show examples
 on health and defence, spending a reasonable portion of money on art
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as sculpture and
Use synonyms
music
Punctuation problem
music,
show examples
also
Linking Words
 helps improve the quality of
people
Use synonyms
's lives.

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task
Add a clear view in the first line. State your side with simple words.
structure
Write a short plan at the start and end with a clear closing idea.
coherence
Use simple link words to show how ideas fit together, such as also, but, thus.
language
Fix grammar and punctuation. Break long sentences into two.
example
Good use of a real example (the Eiffel Tower) to show how art can bring money.
argument
The aim and view of art is clear.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural capital
  • therapeutic
  • well-being
  • creativity
  • critical thinking
  • stimulate local economies
  • national pride
  • heritage
  • symbolic
  • freedom of expression
  • cultural diversity
  • tangible benefits
  • beacon of resilience
  • diplomatic tools
  • promoting peace
What to do next:
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