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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The pie chart illustrates where young
people
Use synonyms
 in
Australian
Correct article usage
an Australian
show examples
 town
having
Verb problem
are having
show examples
dance
Use synonyms
 lessons and the types of
dance
Use synonyms
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
 they are participating in.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the private studios dominate the highest percentage of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 in the town. Meanwhile, young
people
Use synonyms
 under
eleven
Use synonyms
 mostly participate in ballet compared to other types of
dance
Use synonyms
,
in contrast
Linking Words
 with
the
Correct article usage
those
show examples
Use synonyms
age
Replace the word
aged
show examples
 from
eleven
Use synonyms
 to sixteen, who enrol mostly in modern dancing.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it can be observed that 48% of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 choose private studios for situating, twice as much as compared to the percentage of
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 counterparts which are based in the school halls.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the percentage of
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
 in college-based studios and community halls
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
others
Punctuation problem
others,
show examples
 comprises more than a quarter of the total, with 10% and 18% respectively. Regarding
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the types of
dance
Use synonyms
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
 chosen by
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
 group of the participants, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 under
eleven
Use synonyms
enrol
Verb problem
who enrolled
show examples
 in ballet and tap
dance
Use synonyms
classes
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 600 and 450 participants, higher than the rest of the young
people
Use synonyms
 from
eleven
Use synonyms
 to sixteen.
However
Linking Words
, in modern
dance
Use synonyms
 class, the number of participants in the
age
Use synonyms
from
Check wording
range from
show examples
eleven
Use synonyms
 to sixteen is sharply higher, with over 500
people
Use synonyms
 compared to 300
people
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the other
age
Use synonyms
 group.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, dance, classes, eleven, age with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • attending
  • currently
  • location
  • variety
  • ballet
  • hip-hop
  • contemporary
  • jazz
  • venues
  • popularity
  • attendees
  • juxtaposing
  • correlating
  • proximity
  • cultural influences
  • trends
  • anomalies
  • monopoly
  • proportion
  • distribution
  • enrollment
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