IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

it is important for people to take risks,both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages؟

Many people believe that it is crucial for
humans
Use synonyms
 to take
Use synonyms
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 in their lives
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
invloves
Correct your spelling
involves
 both professional and personal
domain
Fix the agreement mistake
domains
show examples
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 it is important to seek
Use synonyms
risk -taking
Use the right word
risk-taking
show examples
 ability because its advantages outweigh the disadvantages. One of the significant
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 for encouraging individuals to take
Use synonyms
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 is
because
Change preposition
that
show examples
 they can acquire
life-lesson
Use the right word
life lessons
show examples
 through it. If
humans
Use synonyms
 take an unknown path which is less
fimilar
Correct your spelling
familiar
 to them , it will lead to potential outcomes that are success or failure.
As a result
Linking Words
, they will learn from their previous professional or personal journey and become more cautious about
steps
Correct article usage
the steps
show examples
 they take in order to achieve a goal.
For example
Linking Words
, a
person
Use synonyms
 with
finance
Correct article usage
a finance
show examples
 background who has
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
survived a failed restaurant business will
more
Verb problem
be more
show examples
 alert and attentive
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 various
measure
Fix the agreement mistake
measures
show examples
 required to run the food business efficiently in future.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
risk
Use synonyms
-taking skill can help improve an
individuals'
Check wording
individual's
show examples
will power
Use the right word
willpower
show examples
 or inner strength. To elaborate on
this
Linking Words
, when
humans
Use synonyms
 face a challenging or uncertain
situation
Punctuation problem
situation,
show examples
 they ensure that they will survive through it with less potential damage.
As a result
Linking Words
, they pursue things which they had never done in
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 lifetime, unlocking various skills unknown to
individual itself
Check wording
themselves
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, A
person
Use synonyms
 who has never cooked in life starts living abroad for
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 ,eventually the
person
Use synonyms
 will acquire learning
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 in order to survive.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
risk
Use synonyms
-taking habit can impose
disadvantage
Correct article usage
a disadvantage
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as severe financial loss. If an individual places his entire life
saving
Replace the word
savings
show examples
 on a business which turns into a failure , the
person
Use synonyms
 will require
entire
Correct article usage
the entire
show examples
life-time
Use the right word
lifetime
show examples
 to recover from the loss.
As a result
Linking Words
,
humans
Use synonyms
 should engage in calculated and affordable risks. In conclusion, taking
Use synonyms
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 in life can pose
disadvantage
Correct article usage
the disadvantage
show examples
 of
finanicial
Correct your spelling
financial
 hardship;
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 the advantages of gaining significant life-lessons and enhancing inner capabilities
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 far more essential for human development in my opinion.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

development
Plan what you want to say before you write. Pick 2-3 main points and stick to them.
coherence
Use a clear topic sentence for each paragraph and linking words to move from one idea to the next.
language
Watch grammar and spell common mistakes. Use simple, correct sentences.
content
Give one strong example for each point and explain how it shows your idea.
structure
Make one clear end to the essay with your view.
content
You show a clear view that risk can bring lessons and strength.
content
You try to link risk with life work and life in new place.
structure
You give real examples from life.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: