IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What actions can be taken to prevent people from having this problem.

Debt
Use synonyms
 financing purchases that
people
Use synonyms
 don’t need or are not even affluent enough to afford are not unusual.
Due to
Linking Words
 the desire to live a certain lifestyle, individuals go into
debt
Use synonyms
. In order to stop
this
Linking Words
 irresponsible behaviour, stricter measures regarding the
handout
Use the right word
handing out
show examples
 of loans are necessary. First of all,
people
Use synonyms
 have the urge to live a life with a certain lifestyle that may cost more than they actually have in their bank account.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they need to finance their excessive spending habits with borrowed money.
For example
Linking Words
, if an individual wants to go on an extra holiday but doesn’t have the needed capital, the only way to finance it is with
debt
Use synonyms
 to fulfil their individual living standard.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
debt
Use synonyms
 is often spent on cars that lose value over time;
therefore
Linking Words
, even the sale of the automobile will not provide enough funds to repay the
debt
Use synonyms
.
Hence
Linking Words
, the accumulated
debt
Use synonyms
 increases over time.
However
Linking Words
, in order to stop
this
Linking Words
 irresponsible spending habit, immediate measures are needed so that
people
Use synonyms
 do not collect too much
debt
Use synonyms
 and are still able to repay the
debt
Use synonyms
 with interest.
This
Linking Words
 is why banks and other financial
institutes
Replace the word
institutions
show examples
 need stricter requirements to guarantee a
loan
Use synonyms
 to a private person.
For example
Linking Words
, a
loan
Use synonyms
 applicant should
get
Verb problem
be
show examples
 denied for a
loan
Use synonyms
 if the borrowed capital is used for consumer goods like a new phone or a car.
Moreover
Linking Words
, apps like Klarna accelerate the growth of personal
debt
Use synonyms
 because especially
the
Change preposition
among the
show examples
 youth
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 irresponsible with online purchases that can be paid with
debt
Use synonyms
 and later in time. In conclusion, the reason why
people
Use synonyms
 buy things they cannot afford is to live a luxurious lifestyle, and stricter
loan
Use synonyms
 applications are urgently needed to stop
this
Linking Words
 unsustainable type of financing.

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improvement
To raise score, add more depth. Give more ideas about why people borrow and more steps to stop it. Give simple examples and show how rules and help can work.
improvement
Make the write more smooth. Put ideas in a clear plan: first idea, second idea, then more. Use linking words well and make sure each paragraph has one main idea.
praise
Good start. You show view that debt is bad and you want rules. Keep these good parts and add more detail.
structure
Clear plan with intro, body, and conclusion.
cohesion
Good linking words like First, Moreover, But, Therefore.
task response
The writer shows a view and ends with a conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumer culture
  • impulsive buying
  • financial literacy
  • accumulating debt
  • high-interest rates
  • emotional spending
  • financial education
  • budgeting
  • materialism
  • personal well-being
  • mandatory financial counseling
  • tighter lending criteria
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