IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

There are some motives for people to work. some people think that money is the most important do you agree or disagree

There are some motives for
people
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
. Some said that
money
Use synonyms
 is the most important. There are two sides since everyone aims
different
Change preposition
for different
show examples
.
Check wording
things.
show examples
Money
Use synonyms
 can motivate
people
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 to
work
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 harder when they desire to have more
money
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. Wants are unlimited,
people
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 usually want to get as
more
Replace the word
much
show examples
 as they can. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
companies use the strategy of raising
Use synonyms
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 or implementing
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 bonus
constitution
Check wording
system
show examples
 to increase the incentives
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
work
Use synonyms
. When it comes to piece rate in
factory
Correct article usage
a factory
show examples
, workers tend to produce more goods in
case
Check wording
order
show examples
 to get a higher
salary
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. It proves that
money
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 is crucial, especially for those who
scarce
Verb problem
are scarce
show examples
 of
money
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who focus more on personal life would not consider
money
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
to be
show examples
 the most important motive to
work
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. As some might consider personal time and leisure
is
Wrong verb form
to be
show examples
 more important than getting
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
salary
Use synonyms
, they preferred other kinds of remuneration.
For example
Linking Words
, giving extra holidays or
promotion
Correct article usage
a promotion
show examples
. If the initial
salary
Use synonyms
 is enough for a person, they may tend to have more power or authority in their current position,
such
Linking Words
 as
senior
Correct article usage
a senior
show examples
 manager
could
Correct pronoun usage
who could
show examples
 be promoted to assistant partner in an accounting firm. In conclusion,
money
Use synonyms
 is one motive for
people
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
cannot
Correct pronoun usage
it cannot
show examples
 apply to all.

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task response
The essay should take one clear view. Decide if you agree or disagree, then stay with that idea and back it up with reasons and a strong example.
task response
Organize with a simple plan: intro with your view, two body paragraphs each with one main idea and a clear example, and a short conclusion that restates your view.
coherence
Make the flow steady with easy links like first, then, but, and also. Keep close links between ideas and sentences.
coherence
Fix grammar and word use, and keep words simple. For example: 'Some say', 'bonuses' not 'bonus constitution', 'by salary' instead of 'by the higher salary', 'scarce of money' -> 'little money' or 'not much money'.
content
The essay has two sides and shows there are different aims when people work.
content
It ends with a clear idea that money is one motive but not the only one.
structure
The writer links ideas with 'On the other hand' to show contrast.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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