IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem?

Nowadays, many animal species are under the threat of extinction, and many others appear to be facing a similar fate.
This
Linking Words
 problem is largely caused by human activities, and governments must take strong
action
Use synonyms
 to prevent
further
Linking Words
 losses. One major reason for the decline in wildlife populations is the destruction of natural habitats
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
being
Verb problem
is being
show examples
 done by humans.
For instance
Linking Words
, a lot of rainforests in Indonesia have been demolished and turned into industrial
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
, which
make
Wrong verb form
has made
show examples
 the population of tigers
declined
Wrong verb form
decline
show examples
 significantly.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, another factor is illegal hunting and trading of
animals part
Fix the agreement mistake
animal parts
show examples
. Despite regulations, these activities
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as poaching elephants for their ivory or capturing exotic birds for commercial
purposes
Punctuation problem
purposes,
show examples
 continue to thrive and keep
threaten
Wrong verb form
threatening
show examples
 species that are already endangered. As the solution to the problem, the governments must take some
action
Use synonyms
 by making
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stricter
law
Fix the agreement mistake
laws
show examples
 for protecting the ecosystem. Regulation
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 well as the
enforcement
Punctuation problem
enforcement,
show examples
 must be made
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the animals will be protected.
Additionally
Linking Words
, there should be some awareness-building
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
 to promote the reasons why it is important to protect
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature. People would be aware
and
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 the responsibilities to nurture
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not only on the government but on the people as well. In conclusion, the threat to wildlife creatures was because human failure to protect them. People need to start taking some
action
Use synonyms
 to
preserved
Wrong verb form
preserve
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the government should regulate to make sure the
action
Use synonyms
 is being taken.

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structure
Make your plan clear: state the main causes, then give two or three steps to fix them, in a simple order.
grammar
Fix grammar. Small errors hide good work. Change 'which being done by humans' to 'which is being done by humans'.
coherence
Use simple linking words to join ideas, such as 'also', 'but', 'however', 'for example'.
task
Give more strong examples or data, like more places or numbers, to back points.
structure
End with a short line that repeats the main idea.
content
The essay shows a clear view that humans harm wildlife and that action is needed.
structure
It has an introduction and a conclusion, and it lists causes and a fix.
example
It uses a real example (Indonesia forests and poaching) to back up points.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • species extinction
  • endangered animals
  • biodiversity
  • habitat loss
  • deforestation
  • urbanization
  • poaching
  • illegal wildlife trade
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • conservation efforts
  • legislation
  • enforcement
  • human overpopulation
  • sustainable development
  • responsible consumption
  • education
  • awareness programs
  • protected areas
  • wildlife reserves
  • international cooperation
  • collaboration
What to do next:
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