IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which will causes many health problems. Sigary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, A lot of food and drink
products
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 contain high levels of
sugar
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 , and the population can buy them easily with no restrictions from supermarkets or restaurants, which will increase the risk of getting long-term diseases. Some people recommend that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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sugary
products
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ought to
Verb problem
apply
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be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less
sugar
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. In my opinion, I agree with that recommendation for many reasons , which we will discuss in
this
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 essay. In the beginning, even though
sugar
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 is an enemy of the human body , which could affect the essential organs in our body,
such
Linking Words
 as the heart and kidneys, people around the world have reached a high proportion of consuming
sigary
Correct your spelling
sugary
products
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 that habit
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 to a horrible result over the years.
For example
Linking Words
, many studies have shown that a high percentage of healthy
and
Correct word choice
apply
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adults have diabetes and heart disease
Change preposition
at in
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in
Use the right word
an
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 early age
due to
Linking Words
 drinking and eating elevated
sugar
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products
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 daily with no control.
In addition
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,
due to
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 their lifestyle , after a short period, they
got
Verb problem
developed
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 kidney failure , and the main reason was diabetes.
Secondly
Linking Words
, sugary
products
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 should be under supervision and controlled with
limited
Correct article usage
a limited
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 amount to be consumed daily by humans
,
Punctuation problem
.
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 The food authority published a statement concluding that the daily dose of
sugar
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 should not exceed 30 g of
sugar
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 to reduce the risk.
For instance
Linking Words
, a doctor received a history of a diabetic patient and found the daily diet of the patient was significantly exceeding 30 g, which was a hint to diagnose his case.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the patient has no activities or sports , and no walking or number of steps
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 be mentioned. In conclusion, I agree that the elevated prices of sugary food and drink could help citizens to quit
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 and improve the quality of life by having healthy bodies with no chronic diseases.

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task response
Task response: State a clear view in the intro and keep it in all paragraphs. Add 2 or 3 strong reasons with clear proof or example.
coherence
Coherence and cohesion: Make paragraphs with one main idea each. Use linking words like 'also', 'but', 'for example' to show how ideas go together.
grammar
Grammar and accuracy: Check for wrong form and long sentences. Use punctuation well and keep a simple style.
vocabulary
Vocabulary: Use common words well. Avoid rare or hard words that you are not sure about.
structure
Structure: Start with intro, then body 1, body 2, and end with a clear conclusion. Each part should have a clear goal.
content
You show a clear view and aim to help.
content
There are some examples to show the idea.
structure
The plan has a start, middle, and end.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • manufactured food
  • sugar intake
  • health issues
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • healthcare costs
  • public health
  • sugar tax
  • revenue
  • reformulate
  • health-conscious
  • consumer behavior
  • deterrent effect
  • availability
  • affordability
  • wellness initiatives
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