IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happen, and what measures can betaken to tackle the problem?

Criminal
reoffendence
Correct your spelling
reoffending
 has become a pressing concern in
mordern
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modern
 society.
This
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 essay will first
analyze
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analyse
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 the reasons behind
this
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phenomenom
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phenomenon
, and
then
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 put forward corresponding solutions. There are several factors contributing to
this
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 issue.
Firstly
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, the main factor for most offenders committing
crimes
Use synonyms
 again, once they have been released
froms
Correct your spelling
from
 prison, is
due to
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 the lack of rehabilitation whilst in jail. To be more precise, offenders are not given a chance to retrain and learn new skills for their future or develop a deeper understanding of correct moral behaviour
and
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but
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instead
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 mix with other
criminals
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, which only strengthens their criminal intentions.
Moreover
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, when
criminals
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 want to get a job after the punishment, many of them suffer from social discrimination, ultimately leading to
commit
Wrong verb form
them committing
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crimes
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 again because of the difficulties in making a living.
In addition
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, nature is a main factor. Some people are
borned
Correct your spelling
born
 with criminal genes, lacking empathy and being aggressive. To mitigate the problem, various solutions should be adopted. For governments, they have a
reponsibility
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responsibility
 to ensure
the
Correct article usage
apply
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access to
job
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jobs
show examples
 for offenders via setting more rehabilitation programs
including
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, including
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counseling
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counselling
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 and community service. As for those hardened
criminals
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, it is
neccessary
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necessary
 to have more
supercision
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supervision
show examples
 and
harsh
Correct word choice
harsher
show examples
 penalties to deter
crimes
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. For individuals, education is the fundamental way to prevent
crimes
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 and reform
criminals
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, improving people’s moral standards and legal awareness
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as
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, as
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 well as reducing criminal motives. In conclusion, the reoffending
behavious
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behaviour
are
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is
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 attributed to the lack of
rehabilition
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rehabilitation
 and the personal nature. It is essential for governments to pay more attention to
this
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 issue and take positive actions to
strenghen
Correct your spelling
strengthen
 citizens’ legal awareness.

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task response
Plan first. Say what you will discuss: reasons then ways to solve. Make 2 clear parts.
grammar
Use simple, clear grammar. Short sentences help you reach band 5 or more.
coherence
Use linking words like 'first', 'also', 'however', 'so' to show cause and result.
lexical
Fix wrong spellings and word choice. Check for the right meaning.
content
Give one or two real examples or facts to back main ideas.
structure
The essay has an introduction and a conclusion.
content
The writer tries to cover both cause and solution.
overview
The topic is clear from the start.
content
Some good ideas about rehab and job help.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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