IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an aging population outweigh the disadvantages?

Compare
Wrong verb form
Compared
show examples
 to 50 years ago
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
, this
show examples
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 days
people
Use synonyms
 who
lives
Correct subject-verb agreement
live
show examples
 long live increased.
Scinetists
Correct your spelling
Scientists
says
Correct subject-verb agreement
say
show examples
 that
average
Correct article usage
the average
show examples
 time of living was 50-60, but now
its
Use the right word
it's
show examples
 70-80.
People
Use synonyms
 are in two different
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
 about
this
Linking Words
 information, but why
it’s
Verb problem
is it
show examples
 better to have
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
elder
Use the right word
older
show examples
people
Use synonyms
? In 90’s
elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 from
Correct article usage
the 80’s
show examples
80’s
Correct your spelling
80s
 died alreally young age. The reason is a world war, stress
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 not knowing about
medicine good
Correct word order
good medicine
show examples
. In
2025
Punctuation problem
2025,
show examples
 we don’t have that kind of issue in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
countries for a
while
Linking Words
. It means that
people
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a chance to live longer, but part of society believes that
ageing
Correct article usage
an ageing
show examples
 population creates problems for governments. In their
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 they take
a
Change preposition
up a
show examples
lot
Use synonyms
 of
place
Use the right word
space
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they need special treatment
that is
Linking Words
 quite expensive. But
position
Correct article usage
the position
show examples
 that there are more advantages than disadvantages it’s stronger. Aged
people
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more experience
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they have seen two centuries
there
Punctuation problem
; there
show examples
a
Verb problem
have been a
show examples
lot
Use synonyms
 of historical moments
happened
Verb problem
apply
show examples
. We think that
experience
Correct article usage
the experience
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they have won’t
take
Verb problem
let
show examples
 us
to
Verb problem
make to
show examples
 do mistake twice.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 in
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 are
people
Use synonyms
 who
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 older than 50-60 years. It means that they know what they are doing and can be calm in really
challanging
Correct your spelling
challenging
 situations.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 there are a
lot
Use synonyms
 of stories where old
people
Use synonyms
 are helping
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their nations. There is one story where one tribe killed their parents older than 60 years because of food that they didn’t
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
. But one man couldn’t do it
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
meanwhile
Add a comma
meanwhile,
show examples
 his father helped him in
hard
Correct article usage
a hard
show examples
 situation.
This
Linking Words
 is in short example that older
people
Use synonyms
 are important. Even our
heroes
Correct word choice
national heroes
show examples
 of nation said that we should
respect
Use synonyms
 old
people
Use synonyms
. Not because they are old enough, just because
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they
baild
Verb problem
paved the way
show examples
 for us a way that we can continue. If we
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
respect
Use synonyms
 them
Future
Punctuation problem
, Future
show examples
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
 will
respect
Use synonyms
 us. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 we should be grateful that older
people
Use synonyms
steal
Verb problem
stay
show examples
 alive. They are not
problem
Correct article usage
a problem
show examples
, they are our way to the future. There are a
lot
Use synonyms
 of benefits to
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
grandmother
Correct article usage
a grandmother
show examples
 or grandfather, so the fact that
ageing
Correct article usage
an ageing
show examples
 population are important is real. I think it’s not good that
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
 to get rid of you. We should
respect
Use synonyms
 each other.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

organization
Plan your essay. Make 1 clear idea per paragraph and write a short map before you start.
grammar
Use short, simple sentences. Check the word order and spelling.
content
Give clear examples for each point and explain how they show your view.
structure
Have a short introduction that says what view you take and a conclusion that repeats it.
language
Check for wrong words or wrong facts. Use easy words from your own knowledge.
idea
There are some good ideas about why elders can help a country.
structure
The essay ends with a clear conclusion that links back to the main idea.
content
The writer tries to show both sides of the topic.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
What to do next:
Look at other essays: