IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

"Prevention is better than cure." Out of a country's health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In today's
era
Punctuation problem
era,
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 where globalisation and modernisation have brought the world closer, an epidemic spread out like wildfire is easier than ever. People are travelling across the globe
introducing
Punctuation problem
, introducing
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 varied disease-causing micro-organisms to a foreign territory
causing
Punctuation problem
, causing
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 citizens with low immunity
barrier
Fix the agreement mistake
barriers
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 to fall sick.
Therefore
Linking Words
, some people are of the opinion that a significant percentage of the
health
Use synonyms
budget
Use synonyms
 should be allocated to
health
Use synonyms
 campaigns and precautions rather than treatments, and I strongly
affirm
Verb problem
agree
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to
Change preposition
with
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 the same. Building and maintaining
health
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 infrastructure is a costly affair. Even if a union government allocates a
budget
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 to build massive
health
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 infrastructure, it is unlikely to cure certain diseases without any aftermath.
For example
Linking Words
, sexually transmitted diseases like HIV and HPV are still incurable.
Governmnet led
Correct your spelling
Government-led
 vaccination drives and awareness campaigns have prevented the disease
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 if
detected
Punctuation problem
detected,
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 the patient is unlikely to survive. Awareness and campaigns about
hygeine
Correct your spelling
hygiene
 habits like
,
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apply
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 covering your mouth in crowded areas, washing and sanitising your hands,
eating
Correct word choice
and eating
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 the right supplements can prevent and control the breakout of pandemics and epidemics.
For example
Linking Words
:
Covid-19
Use the right word
COVID-19
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 spread
out
Change preposition
apply
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across the globe like wildfire
due to
Linking Words
unawareness
Correct article usage
the unawareness
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 of public
health
Use synonyms
etiquettes
Fix the agreement mistake
etiquette
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. Awareness about Preventive measures and a global
lock-down
Use the right word
lockdown
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 gradually stabilised the situation. Vaccination drives have made us immune to the virus now. Spending on Treatments only is an expensive affair for the union governments as well. Even if the
budget
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 is available
building
Punctuation problem
, building
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 infrastructure and maintaining it is cumbersome.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, if
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
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 proportion of
Use synonyms
health
Correct article usage
the health
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budget
Use synonyms
 is allocated to preventive
measures
Punctuation problem
measures,
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 it impacts more citizens
keeping
Punctuation problem
, keeping
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 them aware and healthy.
Hence
Linking Words
, I am of the opinion that a significant percentage of the
health
Use synonyms
budget
Use synonyms
 should be allocated to
health
Use synonyms
 education and precaution rather than treatments only.

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structure
Put one clear idea in each paragraph and start with a short, clear sentence that tells the main idea.
language
Use easy links like and, but, also, then to move from idea to idea.
language
Check your spelling and word use. Read your work and fix small errors like hygeine to hygiene, Governmnet to Government.
content
Add more real facts or numbers when you can to show the point.
content
The essay shows a clear view and a strong take on prevention.
content
It uses real events like Covid-19 to back the idea.
structure
Some good link of ideas and budget talk.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive measures
  • health education
  • public awareness
  • proactive approach
  • unsustainable
  • economic productivity
  • healthcare system
  • vaccinations
  • curative measures
  • comprehensive healthcare
  • financial burden
  • incidence
  • preventable diseases
  • eradicating
  • controlling
  • allocated
What to do next:
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