IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time doing housework and households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given line graph illustrates that the change in ownership of washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
,
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
 and vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
,
along with
Linking Words
hours
Correct article usage
the hours
show examples
 spent by
families
Use synonyms
 in household
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 in a nation for a century. It is manifest from the graph that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 possession of electrical appliances by
families
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 increasing during the period
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 resulted in a decrease in
time
Use synonyms
 spent
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 household
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
. In 1920, almost 40% of washing machine was occupied by
families
Use synonyms
, followed by vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
show examples
 (nearly 30%)
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 negligible
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of people
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 using
refrigerator
Fix the agreement mistake
refrigerators
show examples
, which was nearly zero. From onward,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rose
Fix the agreement mistake
roses
show examples
 were seen for the three appliances up to 1960.
Afterward
Change the spelling
Afterwards
show examples
, usage of
washing
Correct article usage
the washing
show examples
 machine fluctuated during the rest of the period and reached a high of over 70
proportion
Check wording
per cent
show examples
. Meanwhile refrigerator
continues
Wrong verb form
continued
show examples
 to grow up to 1980; and
then
Linking Words
, flattened and remained the same between 1980 and 2019. At the same
time
Use synonyms
, ownership of
vacuum
Correct article usage
a vacuum
show examples
 cleaner was recorded
an
Change preposition
as an
show examples
 escalation up to 2000 and
then
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
leveled
Change the spelling
levelled
show examples
 off, where around 100% of
families
Use synonyms
 were using it. As the
time
Use synonyms
 passed, ownership of electrical appliances
were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
increased,
which resulted
Wrong verb form
resulting in
show examples
lees
Use the right word
less
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 to invest in household
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
,
reflect
Wrong verb form
reflected
show examples
 in a declining trend in
hourly
Correct article usage
the hourly
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 spent (from approximately 50% to 10%).

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words families, time with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • household appliances
  • time-efficient
  • labour-saving devices
  • technological innovations
  • ownership rate
  • housework chores
  • domestic workload
  • automation
  • advancements
  • trend analysis
  • societal shifts
  • economic impact
  • durability
  • lifespan of appliances
  • maintenance
  • historical comparison
  • time allocation
  • drudgery reduction
  • energy consumption
  • disruption in trends
What to do next:
Look at other essays: