The line graph shows the information average number of visitors entering a museum in summer and winter in 2003.

The given line graph illustrates the
number
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of browsers to a museum in uk during the
summer
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and
winter
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in 2003.
Overall
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,
although
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the
number
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of visitors during
both
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seasons experienced considerable fluctuations, these figures are always higher in the
summer
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compared to the
winter
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. At the beginning of the period, the
number
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of people who visit the museum to entertain is around 100 for
both
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seasons. By 11:30, the
number
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of individuals who go to
this
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place increases significantly in the
summer
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and
winter
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, reaching 1400 and 600
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
. From 12 to 15, there was a sharp decline in the
number
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of visitors in
both
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seasons to reach around 800, which is 8 times higher than in the
winter
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.
Although
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this
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number
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continues to fall in the
summer
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, it levels off in another season, and
finally
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,
at the end
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of the period,
both
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receive the same
number
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, just like their initial levels.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, summer, winter, both with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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