IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other people think that mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The relationship between technological
development
Use synonyms
 and environmental problems has always been a controversial issue.
While
Linking Words
 some people affirm that
development
Use synonyms
 in
technology
Use synonyms
 has caused many environmental problems, another proportion, including me, believes that new
technology
Use synonyms
 is necessary for environmental durability.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss why
this
Linking Words
 is the case and the reasons I believe that
technology
Use synonyms
 is the key to a better environment. On the one hand, nowadays technological achievements are a major cause of pollution worldwide. The number of small
as well as
Linking Words
 large factories has doubled over the
last
Linking Words
 two decades. It is true that
such
Linking Words
organizations
Change the spelling
organisations
show examples
 provide high-tech products for numerous sectors, but they
also
Linking Words
 produce huge emissions of chemical gases every day, which directly affect the fauna and the soil.
For example
Linking Words
, in China, the largest economy in the world in 2024,during the 2008 Olympic Games, Beijing had to shut down all industries near the stadiums to provide acceptable conditions for the athletes.
This
Linking Words
 illustrates the extent of the environmental damage caused by industrial emissions.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 ,technological
achivements
Correct your spelling
achievements
 help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature in several ways , mainly the renewable energy
development
Use synonyms
.
in
Fix capitalization
In
show examples
 2025, electric cars are becoming more and more
poular
Correct your spelling
popular
 around the world : with 0% of
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
, those cars are considered
eco-freindly
Correct your spelling
eco-friendly
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the famous ones are
tesla
Fix capitalization
Tesla
show examples
 cars.
Furthermore
Linking Words
 , modern recycling technologies are the best solution to avoid pollution ,
specially
Use the right word
especially
show examples
 plastic recycling. In conclusion, it is true that the environment was negatively affected by technological
development
Use synonyms
 in the past.
However
Linking Words
, nowadays, I am confident that the new generation has adopted a responsible mindset to address these problems by seeking alternatives
while
Linking Words
technology
Use synonyms
 continues to develop.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

content
Balance the view. Talk about both sides with the same care and give more real proof.
structure
Give more clear main ideas in each paragraph and stay on one idea per paragraph.
language
Check facts and stay formal. Avoid wrong facts like 0% emissions or wrong dates.
style
Use simple link words to guide the reader, like also, but, and, then.
conclusion
End with a strong personal view that matches the body.
content
The essay tries to discuss both views.
structure
There is an intro and a conclusion.
style
There are some connecting words.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • physical conditioning
  • athleticism
  • physical training
  • muscle strength
  • mental resilience
  • psychological preparedness
  • mental toughness
  • confidence
  • precision
  • focus
  • mental strategies
  • mental fortitude
  • brute strength
What to do next:
Look at other essays: