IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other people think that mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, many people think that success in sport is based on physical
strength
Use synonyms
 ,
while
Linking Words
 others admit that mental
strength
Use synonyms
 is the key to important achievements.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss why
this
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 is the case and the reasons why
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 agree with the importance of mental power more than physical
strength
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, in many sports , athletes are obligated to be physically strong and practice a lot of hard exercises throughout the year to be in their best
conditions
Fix the agreement mistake
condition
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as well as
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 at the top of their performance.
For example
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, players in the NBA need to work hard over the season and improve their physical weaknesses to perform well in official matches
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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at the end
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 of the season.
On the other hand
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, many people, including me, admit that mental
strength
Use synonyms
 is more important for several reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, new reacherches approved that physical
strength
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 is definitely related definetly with mental health. An athlete without a strict mindset will not be at the top
in
Change preposition
of
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 his field , despite his physical condition.
For example
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, Johan Cruiff, who is a legend in football, said,"Football is played with brain, feet are only tools",affirming that all decisions are made with the brain.
However
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, the mental
strength
Use synonyms
 helps athletes in all fields to manage stress, which is important during games or competitions,
fo
Use the right word
for
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 example, Steve Curry, an NBA all-time star, said that even after 15 years of career , he is still looking for new tools every day to avoid problems or injuries related to stress. In conclusion, physical
strength
Use synonyms
 can take the athlete to an extraordinary level ,
while
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 with the combination of mental health , the subject can be the leader of
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 field.

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improvement
Task response: The essay talks about both sides and gives your view, but add more clear ideas and more simple reasons to back each point.
improvement
Coherence and cohesion: Use shorter sentences and clear links to keep the flow. Put one idea in each line and use simple connect words like also, but, so, because, however.
strength
Your view is clear in the intro and at the end.
structure
You use on the one hand and on the other hand to show both sides.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • physical conditioning
  • athleticism
  • physical training
  • muscle strength
  • mental resilience
  • psychological preparedness
  • mental toughness
  • confidence
  • precision
  • focus
  • mental strategies
  • mental fortitude
  • brute strength
What to do next:
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