IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The line graph below shows the percentage of people in Africa subscribing to mobile and fixed line phones from 1994 to 2004. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph gives information about the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who used fixed and mobile
lines
Use synonyms
 over a decade between 1994 and 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from the graph is that both figures experienced an increase.
While
Linking Words
 the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of individuals who subscribed to fixed
lines
Use synonyms
 grew slightly, the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 who used mobile
lines
Use synonyms
 rose significantly. As the graph shows, at the beginning of the period, the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of citizens who subscribed to fixed
lines
Use synonyms
 was much higher than mobile
lines
Use synonyms
, with 1.7% and 0,06% respectively. By 2000, the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who registered for fixed
lines
Use synonyms
 increased slowly to 2.5%. In the same year, the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 who enrolled in mobile
lines
Use synonyms
 grew noticeably to 3%, which meant that mobile
lines
Use synonyms
 were superior to fixed
lines
Use synonyms
. By the end of the period, the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who signed up for a fixed line was 3.1%.
However
Linking Words
, the percentage of individuals who had access to a mobile line soared to 8.8%.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, people, lines with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: