IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The given bar chart compares the figures for annual rentals and sales (in three products, namely VHS, DVD, and Blu-ray) of films from one particular store from 2002 to 2011.

The chart
illustrate
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrates
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of rentals yearly, and sales of movies in three different
quality
Fix the agreement mistake
qualities
show examples
 in a shop from 2002 to 2011.
Overall
Linking Words
, the trend of renting a film declined gradually until the end of the period.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
most
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
the
number
Use synonyms
 of
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 purchasing
Correct article usage
the Blue-ray
show examples
Blue-ray
Use the right word
Blu-ray
show examples
 format surged and peaked at one point before falling slightly. There
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 average sales of VHS but
vanished
Correct pronoun usage
it vanished
show examples
 later,
while
Linking Words
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 approached DVD in mid-year. In 2002, almost 185000 residents rented films,
while
Linking Words
 it declined
around
Change preposition
to around
show examples
 65000
at the end
Linking Words
 of the year.
However
Linking Words
,
blue-ray
Use the right word
Blu-ray
show examples
 was
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
 least popular and purchased by approximately 45000
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
. Later, there was
dramatic
Correct article usage
a dramatic
show examples
 increase
number
Use synonyms
 of citizens buying it and reached
highest
Correct pronoun usage
its highest
show examples
, making 220000, before declining
slighlty
Correct your spelling
slightly
 to 190000 in 2011. Talking about VHS, there
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
average
Correct word choice
ordinary
show examples
 people around 85000 who used to buy them, and
fell its
Correct word order
its number fell
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 to zero after four years of steady
decrement
Check wording
decline
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 DVD was preferred from 2007, 2000 normal men or women, and gradually increased to 15000
at the end
Linking Words
 of
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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