IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think the increasing use of computers and mobile phones has a negative effect on young people’s reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is no denying the fact that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advanced technology is worth considering, and it plays a vital role in forming young adults' traits and skills.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held belief that these tools encourage students to enhance their talents. There is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that opposes it.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
this
Linking Words
 topic, followed by my opinion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the modern devices play a crucial role in providing
people's
Check wording
people
show examples
 with a high-quality environment.
In other words
Linking Words
, they are closely linked to improve our knowledge, culture and education.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view, because these applications can help pupils to find out many fields.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, promoting the reading and writing level by using some innovative methods, like e-books and chat rooms through many apps
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 WhatsApp and Messenger programs.
In addition
Linking Words
, all of these instruments provide the learners with instant access, which does not require
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical effort
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 materials.
For example
Linking Words
, the outdated systems, like ink, handwriting and hand printing, can make scholars feel more exhausted and bored. Another point to consider, that computers and mobile phones can affect teenagers' time and social bonds rather than their education grades.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, the authorities and families shoulder a vital responsibility for their children.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they should teach them how to use
this
Linking Words
 equipment
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
proper
Replace the word
properly
show examples
way
Check wording
apply
show examples
, and tell them about the benefits of modern
aims
Use the right word
aids
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, all schools in Japan are heavily dependent on these gadgets, and statistics reveal that they aid the students
to achieve
Change preposition
in achieving
show examples
 greater success in their learning. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I tend to believe that we should advise the new generations to use these appliances to develop their skills,
however
Linking Words
, under parents' supervision.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Make your view clear in the first paragraph, and tie every point to it in a logical order.
development
Develop each idea with more detail or example; explain how the example supports your point.
language
Check grammar and word choice; use simple, common words and short sentences to avoid mistakes.
strength
Clear stance on the topic.
strength
Some good examples should be included, like the Japan reference.
strength
Attempts to discuss both sides show awareness of task.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: