IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think children should not use mobile phones. To what extent do you agree or disagree?”

It is often argued that
smart
Use the right word
smartphone
show examples
phone
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use
Use synonyms
 should be restricted to
juvenile
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juveniles
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. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 because excessive exposure to these devices can negatively affect their academic performance and hinder healthy social development. One of the primary reasons to limit the mobile
phone
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use
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 among young
children
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 is its
affect
Use the right word
effect
show examples
 on
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 education. Because of the constant notifications and online entertainment,
children
Use synonyms
 may spend time on their phones
instead
Linking Words
 of doing homework or studying.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 leads to lower concentration in the class, incomplete assignments, and poorer academic outcomes.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Japan, about 60% of students scored lower academic achievement,
due to
Linking Words
 possessing a
celluar
Correct your spelling
cellular
devices
Fix the agreement mistake
device
show examples
. A key consideration for restricting mobile device
use
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 in
children
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 is that it reduces
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social interaction with other kids. By spending a lot of time
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
using these technological
device
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
show examples
 in homes,
Correct pronoun usage
it eventually
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eventually might
Correct word order
might eventually
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 lead to
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
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 the outdoor activities
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 playing football, shopping with family, and riding a
bicycl
Correct your spelling
bicycle
. As
Correct article usage
a consequences
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consequences
Fix the agreement mistake
consequence
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, the child will not
aquire
Correct your spelling
acquire
 the communication skills that
benefits
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefit
show examples
 him in future when he
grow
Correct subject-verb agreement
grows
show examples
. In conclusion, limiting mobile
phone
Use synonyms
use
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 in
children
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 is important for their education and social development. Excessive
phone
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use
Use synonyms
 can lower academic performance and reduce opportunities for face-to-face interaction and outdoor activities, which are essential for building communication skills.

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grammar
Fix basic grammar, spelling, and word form. Errors jump up and down the page.
coherence
Use simple linking words to show how ideas go from one point to another (and, because, so, but).
content
Give stronger, clear examples and keep facts simple. Check facts you mention.
strength
Clear stance on the topic.
strength
Two main ideas are shown: impact on study and on social life.
strength
Some use of connecting words in places.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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