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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

​​The pie charts show the average consumption of food in the world in 2008 compared to two countries: China and India. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The pie chart presents the food intake in
China
Use synonyms
 and
India
Use synonyms
 compared to the
World
Use synonyms
 in 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, processed
foods
Use synonyms
 in all the categories are the most eaten, but the least eaten
differs
Correct subject-verb agreement
differ
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with
Change preposition
between
show examples
China
Use synonyms
 compared to
India
Use synonyms
 and the
World
Use synonyms
. In
India
Use synonyms
 and the
Use synonyms
World
Add a comma
World,
show examples
 the proportions are
simillar
Correct your spelling
similar
. The most consumed
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 processed
foods
Use synonyms
, because
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
India
Use synonyms
 it is 39%, but for the
world
Use synonyms
 41%.
However
Linking Words
, for the
world
Use synonyms
vegetables
Punctuation problem
, vegetables
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 and fruits are 29% and animal food 26%, and for
Use synonyms
India
Add a comma
India,
show examples
 it is
simmilar
Correct your spelling
similar
, for animal
foods
Use synonyms
 1% more
making
Punctuation problem
, making
show examples
 it 27%, but for vegetables and
fruits
Punctuation problem
fruits,
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 6% less, being 23%. For both
groups
Punctuation problem
groups,
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 the least eaten are nuts and seeds, making only 11% of the proportion for
India
Use synonyms
 and
the
Correct article usage
a
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petite
Correct word choice
mere
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 4% for the
world
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. As for
China
Use synonyms
, the largest proportion is taken by processed
foods
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, making it
approximetly
Correct your spelling
approximately
one-thrid
Use the right word
one-third
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 of the total, which rounds up to 34%. Vegetables and fruits
coming
Wrong verb form
come
show examples
 close in numbers as
second,
Linking Words
being 32%, but compared to the other two regions, the smallest percentage for
China
Use synonyms
 is for animal food, because it is 15%. Leaving nuts and seeds in second to
last
Linking Words
, with 19%.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words china, india, world, foods with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Average consumption
  • Global composition
  • Food category
  • Meat, vegetables, fruits, grains
  • Percentage, proportion
  • Comparative analysis
  • Similarities and differences
  • Intake, consumption patterns
  • Striking differences
  • Notable similarities
  • Higher/lower consumption
  • Significant difference
  • Proportionate share
  • Relevant comparison
  • General trend
  • Insight
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