IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think children should not use mobile phones. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is often argued that smartphone
use
Use synonyms
 should be restricted for young
children
Use synonyms
. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 view because excessive exposure to these devices can negatively affect their academic performance and hinder healthy social development. One of the primary reasons to limit mobile phone
use
Use synonyms
 among young
children
Use synonyms
 is its impact on their education. Constant notifications and online entertainment can distract
children
Use synonyms
 from completing homework or studying, which leads to lower concentration in class, incomplete assignments, and poorer academic outcomes.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Japan, about 60% of students experienced lower academic achievement
due to
Linking Words
possessing
Verb problem
having
show examples
 a mobile device. Another important consideration is that excessive
use
Use synonyms
 of mobile devices reduces social interaction with peers. Spending a lot of time on these devices at home can lead to decreased participation in outdoor activities,
such
Linking Words
 as playing football, shopping with family, or riding a bicycle.
As a result
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 may fail to acquire essential communication skills that will benefit them in the future. In conclusion, restricting mobile phone
use
Use synonyms
 in
children
Use synonyms
 is essential for both their education and social development. Excessive phone
use
Use synonyms
 can lower academic performance and limit opportunities for face-to-face interaction and outdoor activities, which are crucial for developing effective communication skills.

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task response
Task response: Say your view in the first line and keep this view to the end. Add one place to show what others may say to make it fair.
coherence
Coherence: Use linking words to join ideas. Each paragraph has one main idea and a small example.
lexis
Language: Use short, plain words. Short sentences help the reader.
structure
Clear start, body and end in the essay.
content
Two big ideas (school work and social life) with a small example.
overall
Overall score about 6.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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