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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Nowadays, an increasing number of children are using the internet at a very young age and often without adult supervision. This situation may expose them to various dangers online. What challenges do parents encounter when trying to manage their children’s internet usage? What solutions can be implemented to address this issue?

Currently, a great number of children
use
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 the
Internet
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 without parental supervision, which increases several risks. In
this
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 essay, we will explain the issues associated with
this
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 situation and the potential solutions to tackle them. There are two main problems linked to
this
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 lack of control
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 addiction and potential contact with online predators
such
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 as hackers and paedophiles. Regarding the first danger, it has been demonstrated that the
use
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 of the
Internet
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 can lead to addictive behaviour. Nowadays,
this
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 is especially true on social media, particularly through the scrolling of short videos.
This
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 shortens the attention span of users and leads to
a
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constant
use
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 sustained by a dopamine loop.
Moreover
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, the engagement with social media is particularly dangerous because children are exposed to interacting with manipulative adults, who often fake their identity and age.
This
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 can potentially result in economic or sexual extortion by cyber-criminals. These two problems can be tackled by two solutions
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 an awareness campaign clearly showing these risks and a stricter implementation of parental regulations on the
Internet
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. A public awareness initiative revealing the worst risks of
this
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 situation, like sexual
abuses
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, might encourage parents to improve control over the children’s
use
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 of the
Internet
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 at home. Governments should
also
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 require social media companies to implement comprehensive parental-control tools
such
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 as content-filters, age-verification systems, and automatic limits on screens.

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structure
Give a clear start and finish. Write a short intro that says what you will say. End with a brief wrap up.
content
Add more detail to each point. Give one or two real facts or small notes to back up each idea.
coherence
Link ideas with better flow. Use words like also, in addition, but, and for example to move ideas smoothly.
editing
Check grammar and spelling. Use short simple sentences and avoid hard words.
task strength
Clear two main ideas and two solutions.
structure
Intro states what you will cover.
content
Some facts and examples are shown.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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