IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

These days children watch television programs and play computer games, which their friends watch and play. Do you think parents should stop their children to follow their friends?

Nowadays,
children
Use synonyms
 usually
intimate
Verb problem
imitate
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 what their
friends
Use synonyms
 do for entertainment
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as watching
T.V
Correct your spelling
TV
 shows, and play video games based on their
Use synonyms
friends
Check wording
friends'
show examples
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, in my opinion,
due to
Linking Words
bad
Correct article usage
the bad
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 influence of their colleagues and
adverse
Correct article usage
the adverse
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 effect of technology on their academic grades, supporting that parents should take
Correct article usage
the initative
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initative
Correct your spelling
initiative
 to stop their
children
Use synonyms
to follow
Change preposition
from following
show examples
 their
friends
Use synonyms
.
To begin
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 with, Teenagers are very fragile and easily get manipulated by their surroundings.
This
Linking Words
 is because of their curious mind, which often looks for excitement and new adventure.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 spend most of their
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 in schools
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 gives them
an excess
Use the right word
access
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 to
adhere
Verb problem
apply
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their
friends
Use synonyms
' activities
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 can sometimes
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
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 to bad results.
For example
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, when I was
at
Change preposition
in
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 grade 8th
, I
Check wording
grade, I
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 had been
addictied
Correct your spelling
addicted
 to a computer game called
vice city
Fix capitalization
Vice City
show examples
 that was introduced by my best friend.
However
Linking Words
, it adversely
effected
Use the right word
affected
show examples
 my grades because of not giving enough time
on
Change preposition
to
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 study,
instead
Linking Words
 of playing games.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 can
affected
Verb problem
be affected
show examples
 by their
Use synonyms
friends
Check wording
friends'
show examples
act
Replace the word
actions
show examples
every
Correct determiner usage
apply
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easily without any supervision
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their parents.
In addition
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,
Although
Linking Words
 Spending most of their time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching TV programs
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and
play
Wrong verb form
playing
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 online games based on their
friends
Use synonyms
' choice,
Children
Use synonyms
 often lose their
abilities
Fix the agreement mistake
ability
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 to make
consicous
Correct your spelling
conscious
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
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 about their
hobby's
Check wording
hobbies
show examples
 and
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
.
As a result
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, they lack
morale
Correct article usage
the morale
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 to make independent
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 by themselves, leaving them dependent on others.
For Instance
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 who copy the talents of other individuals often
remains
Correct subject-verb agreement
remain
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 shallow inside.
Thus
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,
Children
Use synonyms
 often
faces
Correct subject-verb agreement
face
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 mental
instablities
Correct your spelling
instabilities
 because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of interest.
To conclude
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,
Exploring
Fix capitalization
exploring
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 the
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
 what other pupils
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
can be controversial.
However
Linking Words
, the claims against it can be conspicuous because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
friends
Use synonyms
 are like a family who makes life colourful and having
right
Correct article usage
the right
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 role model from
young
Correct article usage
a young
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 age can be beneficial in both professional and personal life.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, I stand firm by my opinion because parents can have
more
Correct article usage
a more
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 positive influence on
children
Use synonyms
 rather than copying other
Use synonyms
friends
Check wording
friends'
show examples
 activities
Punctuation problem
, since
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since
Change preposition
as
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 it
while
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 degrade the ability to think and
higher
Correct word choice
lead to greater
show examples
 changes of getting exposed to bad
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
.

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structure
Plan your answer before you write. Use 3 clear reasons and add one simple example for each.
content
Make your view clear in the first line and stay on it throughout the essay.
grammar
Use simple grammar. Check subject and verb in each sentence, and make plural where needed.
cohesion
Use one main idea per paragraph and connect ideas with simple links like First, Also, But, So.
examples
Give more real examples from life to back up your points.
editing
Check spelling and word form (for example addicted, initiative, influence) and fix errors.
direction
The writer shows a clear aim to talk about parent influence.
content
A personal example is added to support a point.
structure
Some linking words are used to guide the reader.
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