IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

More students from developing countries move to developed ones to study in university. what are the causes of this and the consequens od such tendency ?

Today, there is a tendency that more students who
wants
Wrong verb form
want
show examples
 to pursue higher education. Start to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 in universities of developed
countries
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 problem is more noticeable in developing
countries
Use synonyms
, where a lot of
professions
Replace the word
professionals
show examples
 are moving out of their
countries
Use synonyms
 to study
aboard
Rephrase
abroad
show examples
. The importance of the matter is sensed where the developing
countries
Use synonyms
 are lacking human resources and important professions
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as doctors or engineers. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will identify the
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 and offer multiple solutions for them. The main reason for
this
Linking Words
 problem is opportunities.
While
Linking Words
 developing
countries
Use synonyms
 are moving toward a better future, many can’t see themselves in it.
For instance
Linking Words
, an engineer with a degree in mechanics might have to work other jobs like driving or serving in a restaurant,
while
Linking Words
 working in
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 primary path as an engineer.
However
Linking Words
, in a developed
country
Add a comma
country,
show examples
 an engineer with a degree in mechanical engineering will be more appreciated. Another reason can be the quality of education
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
while
Linking Words
 developing
countries
Use synonyms
 are on the rise to build better universities, they are not all perfect. So naturally many will consider the option to move out into a developed country where the quality of education is
proved
Use the right word
proven
show examples
high
Verb problem
to be high
show examples
 and up to the standard. One will ask the simple but imperative
question
Punctuation problem
question,
show examples
 “What can developing
countries
Use synonyms
 do to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem?”
.
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should invest in universities first. Expanding the curriculum should be the first step toward the goal.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, creating inclusive spaces for a variety of
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
 has to be the second step.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
standardized
Change the spelling
standardised
show examples
 testing is necessary. Addressing these issues requires immediate
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
. Because if actions
doesn’t
Correct subject-verb agreement
don’t
show examples
 take place, the developing
countries
Use synonyms
 can head into serious problems in the near future.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Add a short clear intro that restates the topic and a short conclusion that sums up.
cohesion
Use linking words to show flow between ideas, like first, also, in addition, and as a result.
content
Give more detail or examples for each cause and solution.
language
Fix spelling and grammar mistakes.
language
Use simple words. Avoid big words.
structure
Keep ideas in a clear order: cause, effect, then solution.
content
The topic is clear and the idea to talk about causes and fix is there.
structure
The plan of the essay is seen in the writing.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: