IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Money can bring people happiness but, in fact, there are more important reasons for a person’s happiness. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Money
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Use
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synonyms
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 It is important to
use
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synonyms
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 in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat
words
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 from the question and
use
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 the same
words
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 in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 you want to do the opposite for a high band score. can bring
people
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happiness
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 , but, in fact, there are more important reasons for a person’s
happiness
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.
Firstly
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, I want to say that it really depends on the values of a person. I know lots of
people
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 who think that
money
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 can close all needs. but the other hand, some
people
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 from my social circle think differently. So what actually brings
people
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Use
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synonyms
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communitycrowdfamilyfolknationpopulationpublicsocietybodiesbourgeois
Punctuation problem
: communitycrowdfamilyfolknationpopulationpublicsocietybodiesbourgeois
show examples
 It is important to
use
Use synonyms
synonyms
Use synonyms
 in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat
words
Use synonyms
 from the question and
use
Use synonyms
 the same
words
Use synonyms
 in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary , and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.
happiness
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. Of course, if you have enough
money
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 to enjoy your life, you will feel comfortable in everyday life. But different
people
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 have different understandings of how much their
happiness
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 is worth.
For example
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, a lot of
people
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 love travelling , and you might think, of course, you have to have a good salary for
this
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 type of time spending. But I know
people
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 who will disagree with your opinion. They don’t need to spend lots of
money
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 on travelling. These types of
people
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use
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 things like hitchhiking, using tents, etc.
However
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, spending time like
this
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 would not be for everyone. I am not about travelling at all, I am about
people
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 who need
money
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 for vacations. They just prefer to pick something more comfortable. Rent a modern apartment, visit expensive restaurants or buy lots of souvenirs.
Moreover
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, we have things which you can’t buy.
For example
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, love, health or friendship. You can’t buy your best friend who understands you better than you do. Or the person who really loves you and cares about how your day was. It’s a common need for all
people
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. doesn’t matter how much
money
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 you have. You just can’t buy it. If someone has a huge house but it’s empty, without family and friends, why does he need it?
To sum up
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, in my opinion, you don’t have to be rich to live the best life you can. But
money
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 is never superfluous.

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coherence
Put ideas in clear paragraphs. Start with a simple view. Then give one idea per paragraph and end with a short link to the next idea.
task
Make your position clear in the first paragraph. Then give two or three ideas that prove it. End with a short conclusion.
grammar
Use simple, plain words. Check grammar and do not use too many long or rare words. Use basic sentence structures.
lexical
For each idea, give a clear example. Do not put too many ideas in one paragraph. Use everyday examples, like money for comfort, love, or health.
content
The writing shows the idea that money is not the only path to happiness.
content
The writer mentions real life ideas like travel, family, and love as limits to money.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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