IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays,
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 of some
countries
Use synonyms
 consist of a
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 number of
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
. The number of young
people
Use synonyms
 is compared with the population of older
people
Use synonyms
, and in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss why younger
people
Use synonyms
 are less
advantegous
Correct your spelling
advantageous
 for
countries
Use synonyms
. The most important advantage of young
people
Use synonyms
 for
countries
Use synonyms
 is the presence of
active
Correct article usage
an active
show examples
 workforce. It is believed that
this
Linking Words
group
Use synonyms
 is the most valuable human resource for nations. As a country has more young
people
Use synonyms
, these
people
Use synonyms
 could play an important role in different occupations.
For example
Linking Words
, a country which has more young
people
Use synonyms
 has
more
Correct word choice
a greater
show examples
 chance
not
Change preposition
of not
show examples
to require
Wrong verb form
requiring
show examples
 other
skillful
Correct word choice
skilled
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 from abroad.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, nurturing a huge
group
Use synonyms
 of youngesters needs some
infrustructures
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
 and facilities that most of these
countries
Use synonyms
 with
this
Linking Words
 population do not
afford it
Verb problem
have
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, educating and taking care of these populations in
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 and healthcare
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
show examples
 a big share of
budget
Correct article usage
the budget
show examples
 from their government.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
This
Fix capitalization
this
show examples
 noticeable number of young
people
Use synonyms
 in future will become a huge
group
Use synonyms
 of senior citizens with specific needs.
This
Linking Words
 old
generation
Use synonyms
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
show examples
 much more money for their health as they suffer from lots of chronic diseases
such
Linking Words
 as hypertension and diabetes. In
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
although
Linking Words
Correct article usage
the excistance
show examples
excistance
Correct your spelling
existence
 of
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
 benefits
countries
Use synonyms
 for their role in human resources, educating and providing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sufficient
infrustructures
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
 for their nurturing is an element that
threaten
Correct subject-verb agreement
threatens
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
. For these reasons, in my opinion,
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
 is not beneficial for nations. By solving all the barriers in their way, we can benefit
this
Linking Words
group
Use synonyms
.

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task
Plan your answer. Give your view in the end and say both sides.
coherence
Make the order clear. Put each idea in its own part. Use links to move from one idea to the next.
grammar
Check spelling and grammar. Mist in words hurts the sense.
lexical
Use easy words from the first 100 list. Do not use hard words.
content
The essay has a clear view and looks at both ideas at some point.
content
You give reasons like work and future care of the old group.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
What to do next:
Look at other essays: