IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people spend the whole day at a computer and don’t have much time for exercise. What problem does this lifestyle lead to? How can these problems be avoided?? Give reason for you answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge and experience.

There is no denying the fact that individuals nowadays use their computers the whole day and do not allocate
time
Use synonyms
 to work out.
This
Linking Words
 issue clearly reflects an essential truth about laziness and how it affects our health, which requires careful attention and analysis. In the following paragraphs, I will examine the key points and provide relevant examples to support the discussion. On the one hand, there are many drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 skipping physical activity and spending the day browsing websites.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, spending a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 using screens might affect a person's eyesight.
Also
Linking Words
, studies have shown that working out reduces stress, anxiety and other mental health issues.
For instance
Linking Words
, a study conducted a few years ago found that people who spend long hours at the office using a computer are more likely to suffer from obesity.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, allocating a specific
time
Use synonyms
 for screen use can help people reduce the amount of
time
Use synonyms
 they spend sitting at the computer
it
Punctuation problem
. It
show examples
 is a highly effective approach and can make a real difference
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 if people include exercise
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their schedule.
In addition
Linking Words
, individuals may not be fully aware of the consequences of these negative effects, so more education and knowledge
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 needed. In conclusion,
this
Linking Words
 issue has many aspects that need to be addressed carefully. By understanding its problems and possible solutions, we can take small steps to avoid these problems more effectively. It should be taken seriously for the benefit of both individuals and society.

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structure
Make a clear main idea in the first lines and state what you will talk about in a short thesis.
cohesion
Use simple connect words to show how ideas are linked and keep a steady flow.
content
Give real examples from your life or work to show your point.
conclusion
Check the end of each paragraph, add a short conclusion sentence.
structure
There is a plan in the text and it talks about both bad and good points.
content
You use clear topic sentences for each part.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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