IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some governments provide financial assistance for retired, unemployed and disabled citizens. In other countries, families provide support for these citizens. Discuss both systems and give your opinion about which you think is better

It has been witnessed in various countries that retired, unemployed and specially–able
people
Use synonyms
 are
been
Verb problem
apply
show examples
supported by
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
 in the other nations, these
people
Use synonyms
 usually get help from their family members. I will be discussing both systems.
Although
Linking Words
 I believe that
instead
Linking Words
 of helping them financially
government
Use synonyms
 should provide more
oppuntiutes
Correct your spelling
opportunities
, so that
try
Use the right word
they
show examples
 can become
self–reliable
Use the right word
self–reliant
show examples
.
To begin
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 with,
government
Use synonyms
–funded
support
Use synonyms
 plays an essential role in helping differently–abled, retired and unemployed individuals. Financial aid
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 these
people
Use synonyms
 to become independent.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it ensures that their basic needs
such
Linking Words
 as food, clothes and shelter have been taken care of. It
also
Linking Words
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
 poverty and homelessness among vulnerable groups.
Furthermore
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,
government
Use synonyms
 programs are more reliable than family, because funding remains constant.
Additionally
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, not all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
families
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
can
afforrd
Correct your spelling
afford
 to
support
Use synonyms
 members
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 in
first
Fix capitalization
First
show examples
–
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
Nations
show examples
 countries where inflation is on the rise. It reduces the burden
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 families
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 those with low income.
For instance
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,
according to
Linking Words
survey
Correct article usage
a survey
show examples
 by “The New York Times”, it has been stated that
government
Use synonyms
 aid in
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
 2024 helped almost 2.4 million retired citizens in getting medical treatment.
Conversely
Linking Words
, in other parts of the world, family
support
Use synonyms
 is considered more effective and traditional for helping
such
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 individuals. Families are generally more concerned for their loved ones
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 they
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
will take care of both financial and emotional needs.
This
Linking Words
 will help vulnerable citizens feel more wanted and included in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Additionally
Linking Words
, when their relatives are responsible for their needs,
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 can focus on more serious issues and can invest funds
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
show examples
 of the economy.
This
Linking Words
 will
a help in
Correct word order
help in a
show examples
countrie's
Correct your spelling
country's
 GDP and
thus
Linking Words
 will
indrectly
Correct your spelling
indirectly
 aid
such
Linking Words
population
Correct article usage
a population
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the survey
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2024 by
World
Correct article usage
the World
show examples
 Bank, India’s GDP has grown by 1% as they have started investing money in global trading. In conclusion, it has been stated that both
government
Use synonyms
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
 and
relatives
Check wording
relatives'
show examples
support
Use synonyms
 are beneficial for retired, unemployed and differently–abled
people
Use synonyms
. In my point of view,
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should launch and implement
such
Linking Words
 programs where
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
venerable
Use the right word
vulnerable
show examples
 group of
people
Use synonyms
 are given equal
oppourtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
. If appropriate action is taken, countries can become more valuable
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 there will be equality among citizens.

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improvement
Plan the essay first. Decide your main idea and make it clear in the opening line. Keep a single main view.
improvement
Use one idea per paragraph and add a clear link to the next idea. Use simple words to show order (First, Also, Then, Finally).
improvement
Give clear, real examples that fit the point. Do not add facts that you cannot back up or that seem tall.
improvement
Check spelling and grammar to help flow and keep your ideas easy to read.
structure
The essay is clear in its layout: intro, body and conclusion.
content
The writer shows both sides of the issue.
content
There are some places where examples or facts are given to back up a point.
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