IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.

The graph shows the counts of
people
Use synonyms
 who attend
material
Use the right word
martial
show examples
 arts, film clubs, table tennis, musical
performances
Use synonyms
 and amateur dramatics at the social centre in
Melbourune
Correct your spelling
Melbourne
between 2000 and 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
,
its
Use the right word
it's
show examples
 clear from
graph
Correct article usage
the graph
show examples
moth
Correct word choice
that moth
show examples
 activity was film clubs in the period of the year,
while
Linking Words
 musical
performances
Use synonyms
 are unusual. The film club had the highest number of members,
reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 65 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
2005.
This
Linking Words
 number went down a bit to 60 in the2010
Punctuation problem
, althought
show examples
althought
Correct your spelling
although
went
Correct pronoun usage
it went
show examples
 up again to about 66 in 2020. Martial arts are in second place, started
at
Change preposition
with
show examples
 35
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
 in 2000.
its
Fix capitalization
Its
show examples
 numbers went up and down and stayed about the same
at the end
Linking Words
.
table
Fix capitalization
Table
show examples
 tennis started with only 15 members in 2000, but it grew
really
Rephrase
apply
show examples
a lot
also
Linking Words
 passed martial arts
reached
Rephrase
also reached
show examples
 55 members in 2020
about
Fix capitalization
About
show examples
 the other activities, there are 25
people
Use synonyms
 who participated in amateur dramatics in
2000s
Correct article usage
the 2000s
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is followed by musical
performances
Use synonyms
 with no participants in the2000.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 both of the activities showed different trends
interest
Punctuation problem
. Interest
show examples
 in amateur
dramtics droped
Correct your spelling
dramatics dropped
 moderately to 15
people
Use synonyms
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 musical
performances
Use synonyms
 outperformed it at 17
people
Use synonyms
 in 2015.
At the
Linking Words
end
Add a comma
end,
show examples
amaretur
Correct your spelling
amateur
 dramatics and musical
performances
Use synonyms
 finished on 8 and 19
people
Use synonyms

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, performances with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went down" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • participants
  • social centre
  • comparison
  • trends
  • consistently popular
  • gained popularity
  • lost popularity
  • community interest
  • availability of facilities
  • social factors
  • economic factors
  • external events
  • economic downturns
  • health crises
  • demographic changes
  • aging population
  • marketing
  • community outreach programs
  • participation rates
  • Melbourne
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