IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many countries believe that international tourism has harmful effects. Why do they think so? What can be done to change their views?

Nowadays, many
countries
Use synonyms
considerate
Replace the word
consider
show examples
 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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foreign tourists have
serious
Correct article usage
a serious
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 effect
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
countries
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 problem appears in many
countries
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. It has been a long-term problem in some places. The harmful effects
happened
Verb problem
occurred
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 in many
countries
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, the Fuji
Mountain
Use synonyms
 in Japan. Fuji
Mountain
Use synonyms
 is one of the most popular
Use synonyms
mountain
Fix the agreement mistake
mountains
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 in Japan,
also
Linking Words
 it is the highest
mountain
Use synonyms
 in the country. It appeals to millions of
people
Use synonyms
, including foreigners,
come
Correct pronoun usage
who come
show examples
 to enjoy the view of
Fuji
Check wording
Mount Fuji
show examples
Check wording
apply
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Mountain
Use synonyms
.
People
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 like to take
the
Correct article usage
apply
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photos
while
Linking Words
 watching the scene of sunset in front of the lake.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 caused
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 negative impact on the local residents.
Linking Words
Due to
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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foreign
Fix capitalization
Foreign
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 tourists like to leave
the
Correct article usage
apply
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trash everywhere
instead
Linking Words
 of taking
home
Correct pronoun usage
it home
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 or throwing
Correct pronoun usage
it to
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to
Change preposition
in
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 the
trashcan
Use the right word
trash can
show examples
.
In addition
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 to the impact on
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
, it
also
Linking Words
effects
Use the right word
affects
show examples
 the
stores
Use synonyms
 near the
mountain
Use synonyms
, because the tourists
not
Verb problem
are not
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 only too noisy, but
also
Linking Words
 the crowds like to stand in front of the
stores
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,in order to take
the
Correct article usage
apply
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pictures,which
influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
show examples
 those
people
Use synonyms
 working inside the
stores
Use synonyms
. From my perspective, it is very difficult for the residents to change their
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
show examples
 immediately.Because it is hard for them to change
one’s
Check wording
their
show examples
 culture,
such
Linking Words
 as throwing
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
trash on the ground and
talk
Wrong verb form
talking
show examples
 loudly in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
resident
Fix the agreement mistake
residents
show examples
 can take actions rather than changing
one’s
Check wording
their
show examples
 culture.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can use something
such
Linking Words
 as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 cloth to cover the view,in order to avoid the crowds standing in front of the
stores
Use synonyms
.In conclusion, I think
people
Use synonyms
 should take
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
 rather than expecting others to change by themselves.

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structure
Plan your essay: say why people think tourism hurts and what you can do to change minds, then add one or two facts.
cohesion
Make each paragraph one main idea. Use simple links like First, Also, Next, Finally to guide the reader.
content
Give clear facts or easy examples to back your points, not only feelings.
content
An example is given (Fuji Mountain) to show harm.
cohesion
Some linking words are used to show links between ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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