IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that technological inventions, such as mobile phones, are making people socially less interactive. Do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, the relationship between technology and
social
Correct article usage
the social
show examples
 life of human beings has become a widely discussed issue.
This
Linking Words
 raises important questions about advanced technology, particularly mobile
phones
Use synonyms
,
causes
Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
show examples
 more social isolation. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 view. One major drawback of technological inventions is that its tendency to make
people
Use synonyms
 less
connect
Replace the word
connected
show examples
 to one another physically. Because of the instant messages and satisfaction provided by mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 through various platforms,
such
Linking Words
 as WhatsApp, TikTok, or YouTube,
people
Use synonyms
 can enjoy entertainment without leaving home, which in turn leads to more me-time and less companion or
interactions
Fix the agreement mistake
interaction
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 now
have spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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 over four hours on their
phones
Use synonyms
, especially for officers or students, after long hours
sedentary
Change preposition
of sedentary
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 work or study, they use entertaining content from social media for the placebo effect to relieve stress, when their social batteries are zero.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
decrease
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 more
social
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
time
to be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
alone with their
phones
Use synonyms
 without interruptions. Another fact is that the excessive use of
smart
Use the right word
smartphones
show examples
phones
Use synonyms
 dramatically reduces social
skills
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 happens because the majority of social activities are screen-based, ranging from Zoom calls, online courses, and
facetime
Use the right word
FaceTime
show examples
 to online shopping and digital businesses.
As a result
Linking Words
, more work that could only be completed by physical movements in the past can be finished merely by a laptop.
Thus
Linking Words
, fewer teamwork
skills
Use synonyms
 are required, including
tasks
Fix the agreement mistake
task
show examples
 allocation, responsibility and communication. In
this
Linking Words
 way, more
people
Use synonyms
 will integrate independent
skills
Use synonyms
 and digital
skills
Use synonyms
 into their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, which means they are less likely to socialise with each other. In conclusion, the development of technology makes individuals
further
Linking Words
 away from the united group.

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task
State a clear view at the start and keep it in the plan. Add a simple view, then a counter view and a short reply.
coherence
Make one idea per paragraph. Start each paragraph with a sentence that shows the main idea.
coherence
Use simple linking words to connect ideas and avoid long, hard sentences.
grammar
Fix grammar errors like 'less connect' to 'less connected', and check word use (e.g., 'office workers', not 'officers').
content
Give more clear examples that fit the point and explain how each example supports the idea.
stance
The writer shows a clear view on the topic.
structure
Two main ideas about how tech affects social life are present.
coherence
Some linking words show how ideas are linked.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • technology
  • mobile phones
  • social interaction
  • communication
  • connection
  • texting
  • calling
  • meeting
  • friends
  • social media
  • face-to-face
  • personal bonds
  • weaken
  • engaging
  • environment
  • less inclined
  • meaningful
  • reliance
  • settings
  • individuals
What to do next:
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