IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

More and more people are moving away from agricultural background to relocate to cities in order to look for work. What will be the consequence of this? What solutions can you offer?

There is no denying the fact that moving from suburbs and rural areas
is
Verb problem
apply
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plays a crucial role in forming many burdens and challenges on the local governments.
This
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 essay will discuss the reasons behind
this
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 trend and some feasible expectations to tackle
this
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 complex
.
Check wording
issue.
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To begin
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 with, there are many economic and social circumstances
lead
Correct pronoun usage
that lead
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to
Check wording
people to
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 leave the countryside
to
Change preposition
for
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 vibrant cities.
Firstly
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, the public always demands
of
Change preposition
apply
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high quality
Use the right word
high-quality
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 utilities.
In other words
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, the rural people are heavily dependent on the farming sector.
However
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, in recent days
there
Punctuation problem
, there
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many
Verb problem
have been many
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 difficulties facing them,
such
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 as climate change,
reduction
Correct article usage
a reduction
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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water
and
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, and
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increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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the
Change preposition
in the
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 cost of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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agriculture
Replace the word
agricultural
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 substances that are required in their work.
In addition
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, many farmers struggle to provide their children with a decent life and public services, like education, healthcare and transportation.
For example
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, some statistics reveal that about 85% of the individuals who
lives
Correct subject-verb agreement
live
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 in remote regions
were
Verb problem
have
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 escaped over the
last
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 two decades. In terms of potential solutions, the politicians undoubtedly shoulder a vital responsibility for their citizens. It
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also
Verb problem
is also
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 possible to say that they should restrain these actions.
Furthermore
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, they must provide them with many opportunities
of
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for
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 careers in many ways, like enhancing the infrastructure,
construct
Wrong verb form
constructing
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 essential facilities like
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 hospitals and schools, which contribute to
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
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 immense
professions
Check wording
opportunities
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 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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adults. What is more,
prompting
Wrong verb form
it prompts
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 them to stick to their villages to maintain their norms, cultures and customs.
For instance
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, China
achieved
Verb problem
has
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 overcome
this
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 complex
due to
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 its initiatives and campaign across the public.
Moreover
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, providing them with a new concept of occupation rather than
Correct article usage
the agriculture
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agriculture
Replace the word
agricultural
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 field. In conclusion, many nations fail to take
effect
Check wording
action
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in
Change preposition
on
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this
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 issue.
Subsequently
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, they should spend

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language
Fix the grammar and spell small mistakes so the text is easy to read.
structure
Make a clear plan: an intro, 2 body parts, and a short closing.
content
Use one idea at a time and give real facts or clear examples.
style
Use simple word and short sentence to make talk clear.
content
The topic is clear and you try to talk about reason and fix.
structure
There is a plan to write and a view of the need for help.
init/concl
A start is present with an intro and a close.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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