IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Essay topics: In some countries, more and more adults are living with their parents after graduating from college , University or even after finding a job. Do the advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

In certain states, employed graduates live with their families. They do not move out to rent on their own.
Thus
Linking Words
, I think
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 outweigh
problems
Correct article usage
the problems
show examples
.
First,
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 helps them save more money.
Second,
Linking Words
it creates strong bonds. The limit to
this
Linking Words
 is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 their freedom is taken away. One of the advantages of not moving out of the parents' house is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
graduands
Use the right word
graduates
show examples
 get to save their money.
This
Linking Words
 is because some do not pay rentals and expenses
such
Linking Words
 as water and electricity. To exemplify, some graduated individuals manage to save and deposit cars or houses after spending a few years
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a family house. Another benefit is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 staying as a family can create strong ties.
This
Linking Words
 means that relationships are groomed and everyone becomes happy and
stress free
Use the right word
stress-free
show examples
.
As they
Change preposition
They
show examples
 take care of each other's needs on a daily basis. A certain study in Zimbabwe showed that individuals who live as a family are less depressed compared to those
staying
Wrong verb form
who stay
show examples
 alone. Living at home after graduating is problematic because it does not give space for growth. An individual remains too dependent on parents.
For instance
Linking Words
, some people holding degrees do not own any properties
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 they use their salaries to travel or spend on useless things
such
Linking Words
 as alcohol. In conclusion, I think that staying at home after finishing tertiary education has a lot of advantages
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as saving more cash and bonding with siblings.
However
Linking Words
, the disadvantage to
this
Linking Words
 is that it creates a dependency syndrome.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language
Plan your essay with a clear idea in each part. Start with a short plan and use first/next/then to show order.
coherence
Give stronger, real examples for each point. If you mention a study, say how it helps the idea and why it matters.
task response
Keep one view. In the end, restate your view and avoid new points there.
lexical resource
Use short, plain words. Use simple sentences and less big or fancy words.
content
The main idea is clear that staying at home has both good and bad points.
structure
The essay shows a plan: advantage, then disadvantage, then conclusion.
examples
Some examples are used to show points (saving money, family ties).
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • boomerang generation
  • financial security
  • mutual dependence
  • nurturing environment
  • multi-generational households
  • intergenerational bonding
  • cultural heritage
  • autonomy
  • interpersonal conflicts
  • social norms
What to do next:
Look at other essays: