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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some countries focus on health care and education benefits while others on infrastructure and employment. Which do you think would be more beneficial for the population ? give specific details and examples to support your opinion.

In the modern day, people are now more and more concerned about
comprehensive
Correct article usage
a comprehensive
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 life.
In
Change preposition
From
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 my perspective, being balanced in these aspects is more important
,
Punctuation problem
;
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likewise
Linking Words
, youngsters in developing countries are
also
Linking Words
 considered in.
Furthermore
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, I would divide it into two pieces of cake, which are material
elements
Use synonyms
 and
mentalic
Correct your spelling
mental
elements
Use synonyms
. One
labeling
Change the spelling
labelling
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 for infrastructure and employment, one for healthcare and education.
Initially
Linking Words
, the infrastructure and employment of each
country
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 the easiest
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
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 to indicate how modern
this
Linking Words
 place is. The more amount of investment, the more vivid the landscape.
For example
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, Vietnam is a small
country
Use synonyms
 that
just
Verb problem
has just
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 escaped from war since 2000. During 25 years,
this
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country
Use synonyms
attracted
Verb problem
has attracted
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 many investors abroad to make a huge breakthrough
,
Punctuation problem
. Nowadays
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nowadays
Punctuation problem
nowadays,
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 Vietnam looks more modern with buildings, attractions that
gravitate
Verb problem
attract
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 tourists from around the world.
Hence
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, paying attention to material
elements
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
to serve
Verb problem
serves
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 citizens in
this
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 place, which is called
government’s
Correct article usage
the government’s
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 duties. In each family, they want to have a good job,
a
Correct article usage
the
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 best school for their children
,
Punctuation problem
;
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therefore
Linking Words
, these things are fundamental physical things for a better life.
On the other hand
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, the
mentalic
Correct your spelling
mental
elements
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 are healthcare and education, are a big part of guaranteeing the qualification of residents. It clearly showed that humans have a high level of comprehension and can bring
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society to a high hierarchy.
Due to
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 the high class, they are able to incorporate and
diplomaticize
Correct your spelling
diplomatically
international
Verb problem
resolve international
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 relationships
Linking Words
likewise
Punctuation problem
, likewise
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 local communities.
For example
Linking Words
, Japan is a
country
Use synonyms
 which known
by
Change preposition
for
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the
Correct pronoun usage
its
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peaceful
Replace the word
peacefulness
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 and longevity
in
Change preposition
among
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citizens
Correct pronoun usage
its citizens
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, which
caused
Verb problem
is caused
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 by the cognition and
knowledgeable
Replace the word
knowledge
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in
Change preposition
of
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 each individual about nutrition, healthcare methods like
drink
Wrong verb form
drinking
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 green tea during their meals
,
Punctuation problem
. Furthermore
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furthermore
Linking Words
, the
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
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inherited
Verb problem
have inherited
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 modern and
folks
Fix the agreement mistake
folk
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 techniques and combine them to
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
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 and
maintaining
Wrong verb form
maintain
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 the
cultures
Fix the agreement mistake
culture
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.
To conclude
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, from my perspective, paying attention to the services and infrastructure of each
country
Use synonyms
 is inevitable to improve.
However
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, we should not
tift
Correct your spelling
fight
 in each aspect
,
Punctuation problem
;
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instead
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, we should balance those things
even
Punctuation problem
, even
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 if it is a slow result.

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task
Be clear about your main idea at the start and keep it in mind all through the essay.
task
State your view in the first paragraph and keep one main idea in each paragraph with a real example.
coherence
Use one idea per paragraph and a short example to back it up.
coherence
Use simple link words to show order and flow.
content
You try to show balance between two sides.
content
You give two real examples to support your point.
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