IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs below show the cinema attendance in Australia and the average cinima visits by different age groups from 1996 to 2000. Sumarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The table and line graph give information about the attendance in Australia and the average
cinema
Use synonyms
visits
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 by different
age
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 groups over a 4-year
period
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 between 1996 and 2000.
Overall
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, what stands out from the table is that the proportion of attendance increased gradually,
while
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 the frequency decreased steeply. When it comes to
cinema
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visits
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 by
age
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 category, youngsters and adults went to the
cinema
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 more than older people. As the table shows, in 1996, the proportion of
cinema
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 attendance was 62%, after which
this
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 figure rose to 72% in 1998.
However
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, it declined slowly to 70% in 1999. By the end of the
period
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, the percentages returned to their previous level (72%). In the case of frequency, it witnessed a decline from 10.3 to 8.3 over the given
period
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. As the graph illustrates 14-24
age
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 group went to the
cinema
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 many
times
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 than other categories.
However
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, the
times
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 of
visits
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 by all
age
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 groups experienced fluctuations. The
times
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 of
visits
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 by 14-24
age
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 groups fluctuated between 15 and 23 from 1996 to 1999.
At the end
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 of the
period
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, it declined to 18%. Regarding 25-35, in 1996, they visited the
cinema
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 14
times
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, after which they witnessed a fluctuation of around 5 or 6
times
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 until 1999. By 2000, it fell to 16. When it comes to the old generation, 35-49 and 50 +, they went to the
cinema
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 12 and 10
times
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 respectively in 1996, which was followed by a
period
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 of instability. In the final
period
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, it was 15 and 13
times
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 in that order.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words cinema, visits, age, period, times with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 2 times.
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