IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Freedom in making
Use synonyms
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 is a controversial issue among the public. It is believed that
children
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 should not be allowed to make every single
dicision
Correct your spelling
decision
 by their own because it seems that they make a society that
prioritize
Verb problem
prioritises
show examples
 their own
desire
Fix the agreement mistake
desires
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, others believe that it is crucial for
children
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 to be able
make
Verb problem
to make
show examples
 decisions
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 important issues which possibly influence them. In
tis
Correct your spelling
this
article
Add a comma
article,
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 I discuss both views and clarify why I have a balanced idea
in
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on
show examples
this
Linking Words
 topic. To
beging
Correct your spelling
begin
 with, the most important negative consequence of following
children
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's decisions in every situation is increasing the sense of selfishness among them. As they nurture and have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 power to make choices, they would assume
this
Linking Words
 power could control
every thing
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everything
show examples
, and with the first failure in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, they become furious, and in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 long term, exhausted. As they grow up, their awareness about their limitations for controlling
every thing
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everything
show examples
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
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. If they cannot accept
this
Linking Words
 reality, the society will
deterirate
Correct your spelling
deteriorate
 with these members.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the other group argues that promoting the sense of
independency
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independence
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 and
decision
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 making
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 vital in
childhood
Correct article usage
the childhood
show examples
 period.
Dicision making
Correct your spelling
Decision-making
 is a skill that kids should learn for different topics.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it improves the
sence
Correct your spelling
sense
 of
independency
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independence
show examples
 in
children
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, a child
that their
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
 parents do not ask them about a simple thing
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
colour
Correct article usage
the colour
show examples
 of their shoes, cannot make more important decisions in their adulthood. In conclusion, in my opinion, having a balanced strategy for educating
children
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 in
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decision making
Use the right word
decision-making
show examples
 is vital. Giving unlimited freedom
for making
Change preposition
to make
show examples
Use synonyms
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 some negative consequences for
children
Use synonyms
.

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content
The text tries to show both sides and ends with a clear view.
organization
There is a plan with intro, body and conclution.
content
The reason is linked to how one can be selfish and grow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Consequence-awareness
  • Self-centered
  • Informal decision-making education
  • Child development
  • Age-appropriate choices
  • Cognitive growth
  • Fostering independence
  • Parental guidance
  • Societal norms
  • Interpersonal consideration
  • Balance of freedom
  • Individualism versus collectivism
  • Experience-based learning
What to do next:
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