IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The map shows the centre of Paris. A company wants to open a new restaurant in the area. The map shows two possible locations for the restaurant.

The map gives a clear picture
between
Change preposition
of
show examples
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 areas of choice
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 for opening
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a new restaurant in Paris, located in the centre of the city.
Overall
Linking Words
, both sites have similar
amenties
Correct your spelling
amenities
 and landscape except for the
privilage
Correct your spelling
privilege
 of the proximity of the Eiffel
tower
Fix capitalization
Tower
show examples
.
Location
Use synonyms
 1 is situated on the right side of the
river bank
Use the right word
riverbank
show examples
, facing north.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
location
Use synonyms
 2 sits on the opposite side, in the south.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
location
Use synonyms
 2 has
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
 landscape,
location
Use synonyms
 1 has better
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 of tourist
attraction
Fix the agreement mistake
attractions
show examples
 and nearby
mode
Fix the agreement mistake
modes
show examples
 of transport. The second option of restaurant site has Bir Hakeim metro station to its west,
along with
Linking Words
sports
Correct article usage
a sports
show examples
 centre having 500 visitors a day,
in addition
Linking Words
 to the park.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there is an art gallery situated to the east with 750
visiting individuals
Check wording
visitors
show examples
 daily.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the most notable attraction is the Eiffel
tower
Fix capitalization
Tower
show examples
 standing right beside the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
property
accounting
Punctuation problem
, accounting
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 60000 tourists a day.
Location
Use synonyms
 1 has most of its amenities on the east.
However
Linking Words
, the same metro station is accessible on the other side of the bridge, across the river. There
id
Use the right word
is
show examples
 a park similar to the first
location
Use synonyms
,
along with
Linking Words
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 Maritime Museum registering 8000
pupil
Fix the agreement mistake
pupils
show examples
 and
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 aquarium getting 2000 people a day.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "along with, although".
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words location with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • proximity
  • attractions
  • landmarks
  • boost business
  • public transportation
  • accessibility
  • upscale neighborhood
  • demographic
  • premium
  • menu items
  • competition
  • market saturation
  • rental costs
  • operational costs
  • profit margins
  • foot traffic
  • amenities
  • business offices
What to do next:
Look at other essays: