IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that charity organizations should only offer help to people of their own country. But others believe that these organizations should give aid to people in great need wherever they live. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is
undenied
Correct word choice
an undeniable
show examples
 fact that issues related to charity can easily lead to controversy. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think charity organisations should only help
people
Use synonyms
 in their own country,
while
Linking Words
 others believe they should
support
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 anyone who is in serious need. In the following sentences, I will discuss both views and give my opinion. On the one hand, many
people
Use synonyms
 say that
charities
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 should focus on their own country first. The main reason is
these
Correct word choice
that these
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 organisations get money from local
people
Use synonyms
, so they should use it to solve local problems.
For example
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, some countries still have many poor families or
people
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 who need medical help. If
charities
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 spend too much money abroad, there may not be enough
support
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 for
people
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 at home.
Additionally
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,
charities
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 often understand local culture better, so they can give help more effectively.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 believe that charity should help everyone, no matter where they live. They argue that
people
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 around the world can suffer from war, natural disasters, or hunger, and they need urgent
support
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. International
charities
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 can save
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 by giving food, clean water, or medical care. In
today
Check wording
today's
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 world, countries are connected, so
help
Wrong verb form
helping
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 others can
also
Linking Words
 bring peace and stability in the long run.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
charities
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 should try to help both locally and internationally. It is important to
support
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 in your own country, but it is
also
Linking Words
 good to give aid to those who are in really serious conditions.

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task response
Make your view very clear in the last paragraph, so the reader knows your exact stand.
coherence
Link ideas with short and calm words; use simple transitions between paragraphs.
language
Check your grammar and spelling, like today’s world, lives, and neat use of words.
content
Add more precise examples or facts to back up each main point.
structure
Clear start with the topic and plan.
structure
Good use of on the one hand / on the other hand to show both sides.
content
Conclusion sums up the view and shows balance.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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