IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

some peolpe think that woman should not be allowed to work in the police force. Do you agree or disagree?

It is widely believed that
women
Use synonyms
 should not be given permission to be in the police force. I strongly disagree with the view and will
outine
Correct your spelling
outline
 my reasons below. The key factor is that females have stronger problem-solving and communication skills.
According to
Linking Words
 the studies,
this
Linking Words
 gender group has higher emotional
intellegence
Correct your spelling
intelligence
 (EQ) and can deal with sensitive situations more easily.
For example
Linking Words
, they can calm tense situations,
such
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 as domestic violence and child abuse
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 their intimate aptitude.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, gender equality plays a crucial role in the case.
In other words
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, by showcasing
women
Use synonyms
 working in the field
governments
Punctuation problem
, governments
show examples
 inspire other females to pursue their goals. Not only can policewomen be role models for members of their sex, but
also
Linking Words
 find a niche in society.
For instance
Linking Words
, a teenage girl who
aspire
Correct subject-verb agreement
aspires
show examples
 to a scientific career may hesitate about choosing, but seeing others
accomploshing
Correct your spelling
accomplishing
 great
Correct your spelling
achievements
achievments
Punctuation problem
achievments,
show examples
 she is likely to work diligently towards her objectives. The
last
Linking Words
 reason why
women
Use synonyms
 can be suitable for
police
Correct article usage
the police
show examples
 force is that physical ability is not
only
Correct article usage
the only
show examples
 aspect that matters in the area. People with expertise in technology, investigation and
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 higher levels of
intellegence
Correct your spelling
intelligence
 are
also
Linking Words
 required in the field. By way of illustration, a female officer can work on investigations which
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not involve physical tasks. In conclusion, I remain convinced that it is unfair to forbid
women
Use synonyms
 from serving in the police force.

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Task Response
Be clear on what you think. Put your view in the first line and keep it to that view. Add one main idea per paragraph with proof for each.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make the idea flow in order. Use simple joining words to show how ideas go from one to the next. Use one idea per paragraph and end with a short last line.
General
Spelling and grammar help a lot. Fix wrong words and odd spellings to keep the flow.
structure
Clear view and plan that is easy to follow.
content
Use good examples to back points.
organization
Split text into clear paragraphs with an intro and end.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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