IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

ou should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some Individuals believe that challenging at
work
Use synonyms
, at school and in normal life is something good, but others think that cooperation is more important than challenging each other. I clearly agree that cooperation is essential in all aspects of life. In my point of view, competition
sometimes can
Correct word order
can sometimes
show examples
 help employees
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 more and with high
efficiency
Replace the word
efficiently
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
, students
in
Punctuation problem
, in
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 many cases
like
Punctuation problem
, like
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 being in competition with their colleagues.
For example
Linking Words
, in my
country
Add a comma
country,
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 there is a system for all workers that measures how much the worker has finished from his or her annual
work
Use synonyms
 plan.
At the end
Linking Words
 of the year, the one who got the highest percentage of completion
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
or
Correct word choice
apply
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she
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will be rewarded.
This
Linking Words
 system might have an effect on increasing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
efficiency.
In contrast
Linking Words
, people got into a terrible
because
Check wording
situation because
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
selfish
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
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due to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
comparison
Fix the agreement mistake
comparisons
show examples
 between them.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, cooperating with others is essential to keep the
group
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
. Many jobs need
group
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
, so if there is comparison with others, the job might not be finished because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
selfish feelings. As an example, individuals tend to challenge each other if the reward will be for one person only, but if the reward will be for the whole
group
Use synonyms
all
Punctuation problem
, all
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 of them will
work
Use synonyms
 as a
group
Use synonyms
Check wording
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 type of reward has proved its effectiveness in terms of
work
Use synonyms
 improvement. All in all, cooperation is essential to boost the efficiency of employees
as well as
Linking Words
 to increase students'
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
. People should always cooperate with each other in all aspects of life.

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task response
Try to show both sides with equal depth. Your view is clear, but some points on competition need more balance with more pros and cons.
language
Fix basic grammar and sentence form. Short, simple lines are easier to read and show you understand the topic.
coherence
Use clear links between ideas. Add words like however, also, but, for example to show the flow of your thoughts.
examples
Give more exact examples from work or study life to back up your points. Your one example is good, but more will help.
structure
Make the conclusion stronger by restating your view with a short summary of main points.
strength
You state a clear personal view that cooperation is key.
evidence
There is at least one real example to back a point.
organization
The essay has a simple structure: intro, two body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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