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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some think it is a good thing for senior managers to have much higher salaries than the other workers in a company. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
There is no denying the fact that some people believe it is a good idea for big
managers
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 to have much higher salaries than the others in a
company
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.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that big
managers
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 deserve more money than other employees, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that
managers
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worth
Verb problem
are worth
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to
Change preposition
apply
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more benefits than the others in the
company
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.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, they have a lot of experience in their job
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; otherwise
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otherwise
Punctuation problem
otherwise,
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the
Use the right word
they
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will
Wrong verb form
would
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 not be in
this
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 position.
In other words
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, they deserve a lot of money because of the hard
work
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 that they do.
In addition
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, their knowledge will lead the
company
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 to more successes.
For example
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, if I bring Elon
Mask
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Musk
show examples
 to my
work
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,
then
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 he
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work
Correct subject-verb agreement
works
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 on it
hardly
Replace the word
hard
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 and
let
Correct subject-verb agreement
lets
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 the
company
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the
Verb problem
become the
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 biggest in the market, so for his experience I have to give him higher salaries than everyone else.
Body paragraph 2
Another point to consider, the manager will control almost everything. It is
also
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 possible to say that
this
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 will lead to high stress for him.
Moreover
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, he
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to make sure that each side in the
work
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 should be well developed.
For instance
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, many of them do not see their family because of the
process
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nature
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 of their jobs.
Conclusion
In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that stakeholders should give the
managers
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high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 salary because of their hard
work
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. If they do not do that , it will
disrecspect
Correct your spelling
disrespect
 their skills and ability.

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structure
Make a clear plan for your essay. Start with your position, then give 2 strong ideas with a simple example.
examples
Use one clear example and explain it in a short, easy way.
grammar
Check the grammar and spelling. Fix words like 'Mask' to 'Musk' and fix 'they will' to 'they will' etc.
coherence
Use linking words to show ideas go together, like 'first', 'also', 'but', 'so', and 'for example'.
conclusion
End with a short, clear conclusion that restates your view.
strength
The essay shows a clear view.
strength
Some ideas on why managers may get more pay are in the text.
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