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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first table below shows changes in the total population of New York City from 1800 to 2000. The second and third tables show changes in the population of the five districts of the city (Manhattan, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island) over the same period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The first table below shows changes in the total population of New York City from 1800 to 2000. The second and third tables show changes in the population of the five districts of the city (Manhattan, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island) over the same period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The first table presents changes in the total
population
Use synonyms
 of New York City from 1800 to 2000. The second and third tables illustrate changes in the
population
Use synonyms
 and proportion of the five
districts
Use synonyms
 over the same period.
Overall
Linking Words
, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
New
Yok
Use the right word
York
show examples
 City,
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 expanded rapidly from 79,216 in 1800 to 8,009,185 in 2000. Among the five
districts
Use synonyms
, the
population
Use synonyms
 of Manhattan made up the largest proportion at 76% in 1800.
This
Linking Words
 situation continued until 1900,
their
Rephrase
when their
show examples
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 was 54%. Compared to the other
Use synonyms
districts
Punctuation problem
districts,
show examples
 whose
percentage
Use synonyms
 was 46%, the
population
Use synonyms
 of Manhattan was still slightly larger than the other
districts
Use synonyms
. In 2000, the
population
Use synonyms
 of the other
districts
Use synonyms
 was growing near 5 million. Their
population
Use synonyms
 was up to 6,471,089
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 was 81% becoming the major group in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
New York City.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the
population
Use synonyms
 of Manhattan grew
less
Change preposition
by less
show examples
 than 1 million
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 dropped to 19%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 80%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, districts, percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • people
  • city
  • five
  • district
  • grow
  • growth
  • rise
  • increase
  • increase
  • rise
  • fall
  • decline
  • high
  • low
  • big
  • large
  • small
  • more
  • less
  • over time
  • by year
  • in total
  • compare
  • compared with
  • whereas
  • trend
  • pattern
  • overall
  • feature
  • note
  • point
  • difference
  • lead
  • catch up
  • late
  • early
  • century
  • decade
  • period
  • 2000
  • 1800
  • 1900
  • continuous
  • steady
  • rapid
  • fast
  • slow
  • periods
  • numbers
  • data
  • report
  • describe
  • summarise
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