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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to reduce the amount of waste they produce, while others argue that governments and companies should take the lead in minimizing waste. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There is
ongoing
Correct article usage
an ongoing
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 debate about how to reduce the amount of
waste
Use synonyms
 produced in modern society. Some argue that individuals should take responsibility for addressing
this
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 issue,
whereas
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 others believe that corporations and governments should lead the efforts. In my opinion, both arguments have valid perspectives.
This
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 essay will examine both points of view before reaching a conclusion. One of the reasons why large-scale companies and authorities should manage
waste
Use synonyms
 reduction is
because
Change preposition
that
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 they have the financial resources. Constructing recycling factories in abandoned areas can be done only by wealthy companies alongside government regulations that facilitate the approval to start
such
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 a
businiess
Correct your spelling
business
.
For instance
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, in 2010, the government of Dubai built an enormous recycling plant in the desert
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 in order to reduce the amount of litter
,
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apply
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while
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also
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 generating sustainable energy.
As a result
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, pollution caused by
waste
Use synonyms
 decreased significantly. Another important argument is that most household
waste
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 originates at home. In 2015, a small city in Japan suffered from garbage accumulation for many years, caused by residents’ ignorance, until the locals began taking full responsibility to address the issue by encouraging each other and raising awareness of the risks.
Consequently
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, nearly 80% of the litter was reduced
due to
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 community support. It is
also
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 notable that when individuals educate themselves, others tend to follow their example, benefiting the environment as a whole. In conclusion,
although
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 individuals’ awareness and community support can have a significant impact on
waste
Use synonyms
 disposal, local governments and senior companies can contribute more to addressing
this
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 problem. In my view, both sides should collaborate to achieve maximum results and reduce the environmental impact of
waste
Use synonyms
.

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grammar/structure
Improve the mix of grammar and sentence form. Watch long, hard to read lines and fix comma use so ideas are clear.
content
Add more balance in ideas. Link each point closely to your view and give more clear proof for each idea.
vocabulary
Use a few new, simple words to avoid repeat of the same words and keep the meaning clear.
structure
Clear plan with introduction, two body sections and a ending.
stance
You show a clear view and say both sides and give your own view.
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