Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on young people. Others disagree and that these have a negative effect on young people. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays,

people

Use synonyms

believe that

computer

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

and

television

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cause

Use synonyms

serious issues

such

Linking Words

as violence. I partly agree with

this

Linking Words

statement.

This

Linking Words

essay will discuss both sides and will provide my own opinion. ‏On the one hand, many

people

Use synonyms

today believe that

television

Use synonyms

and PlayStation

games

Use synonyms

cause

Use synonyms

serious problems. I agree with

this

Linking Words

view to some extent.

First,

Linking Words

children

Use synonyms

nowadays copy what they see on

television

Use synonyms

For example

Linking Words

children

Use synonyms

who watch violent movies every day might believe that fighting is a normal behaviour, and they may practise

this

Linking Words

behaviour with others.

Secondly

Linking Words

, crime rates may rise .

For example

Linking Words

, when

people

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imitate the violent actions shown in movies or

computer

Use synonyms

games

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and see these characters as role models.

Third,

Linking Words

in many

games

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, players have to attack or kill others to win .

For instance

Linking Words

, some young

people

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believe that violence is an acceptable way to solve problems in real life.

However

Linking Words

on the other hand

Linking Words

Correct pronoun usage

show examples

disagree with

this

Linking Words

idea .

First,

Linking Words

computers and televisions can

cause

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health problems.

For example

Linking Words

children

Use synonyms

who spend hours in front of the

television

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may suffer from eye issues.

Also

Linking Words

, they often have trouble getting enough sleep .

Second,

Linking Words

children

Use synonyms

may waste their time on

television

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and

computer

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games

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instead

Linking Words

of studying.

Third,

Linking Words

crime rates may continue to increase because some

people

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imitate the violent behaviour they see in movies. In conclusion,

television

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and

computer

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games

Use synonyms

have a negative effect on

people

Use synonyms

. I firmly agree with the point that

computer

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

and

television

Use synonyms

cause

Use synonyms

serious issues

Linking Words

such

Punctuation problem

, such

show examples

as violence, because they increase crime rates. I disagree that computers and

television

Use synonyms

damage young

people

Use synonyms

alfred

Dec 8, 2025

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planning

Clarify your view in the opening and restate it in the end.

structure

Make one clear idea per paragraph with a short topic sentence.

grammar

Fix small grammar errors (I, articles, and word form) and use simple, plain language.

development

Use specific and simple examples that link to your point.

coherence

Avoid repeating the same idea; make each paragraph add a new point.

task response

You try to discuss both sides and give your view.

coherence

You use linking words (on the one hand, however) to show contrast.

development

You give some examples to back up points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

270 words

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