Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on young people. Others disagree and that these have a negative effect on young people. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays,
people
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believe that
computer
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games
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,
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apply
show examples
and
television
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cause
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serious issues
such
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as violence. I partly agree with
this
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statement.
This
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essay will discuss both sides and will provide my own opinion. ‏On the one hand, many
people
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today believe that
television
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and PlayStation
games
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cause
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serious problems. I agree with
this
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view to some extent.
First,
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children
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nowadays copy what they see on
television
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.
For example
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,
children
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who watch violent movies every day might believe that fighting is a normal behaviour, and they may practise
this
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behaviour with others.
Secondly
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, crime rates may rise .
For example
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, when
people
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imitate the violent actions shown in movies or
computer
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games
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and see these characters as role models.
Third,
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in many
games
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, players have to attack or kill others to win .
For instance
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, some young
people
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believe that violence is an acceptable way to solve problems in real life.
However
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,
on the other hand
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,
l
Correct pronoun usage
I
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disagree with
this
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idea .
First,
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computers and televisions can
cause
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health problems.
For example
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,
children
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who spend hours in front of the
television
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may suffer from eye issues.
Also
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, they often have trouble getting enough sleep .
Second,
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children
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may waste their time on
television
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and
computer
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games
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instead
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of studying.
Third,
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crime rates may continue to increase because some
people
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imitate the violent behaviour they see in movies. In conclusion,
television
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and
computer
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games
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have a negative effect on
people
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. I firmly agree with the point that
computer
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games
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and
television
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cause
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serious issues
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such
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, such
show examples
as violence, because they increase crime rates. I disagree that computers and
television
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damage young
people
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.

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planning
Clarify your view in the opening and restate it in the end.
structure
Make one clear idea per paragraph with a short topic sentence.
grammar
Fix small grammar errors (I, articles, and word form) and use simple, plain language.
development
Use specific and simple examples that link to your point.
coherence
Avoid repeating the same idea; make each paragraph add a new point.
task response
You try to discuss both sides and give your view.
coherence
You use linking words (on the one hand, however) to show contrast.
development
You give some examples to back up points.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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