IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Several young adults in many countries prefer to enrol in
work
Use synonyms
-based training rather than attending
university
Use synonyms
. There might be both advantages and disadvantages to
this
Linking Words
 case, but I believe it has more benefits. Nowadays, some young people choose to join companies with
work
Use synonyms
-based learning
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 their economic issues. Many youngsters choose to earn money
instead
Linking Words
 of spending it on going to
university
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
work
Use synonyms
-based training gives hands-on experience directly relevant to jobs.
Moreover
Linking Words
, sometimes they can get an easier transition into the workforce since training is industry-focused.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, joining
work
Use synonyms
-based training often makes spending cheaper, which reduces their debt.
For instance
Linking Words
, many Individuals who choose to spend their time joining
work
Use synonyms
-based training first
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
can go to
university
Use synonyms
 right after a year or two years of
work
Use synonyms
, with their own money, of course.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, students who choose to
work
Use synonyms
 first may lack of theoretical depth or broader education that universities provide, since there are some professions that require a
university
Use synonyms
 degree,
such
Linking Words
 as medicine, law, engineering, architecture, etc.
In addition
Linking Words
, in many cultures,
university
Use synonyms
 education is still seen as more prestigious.
Thus
Linking Words
, it might make parts of them hard to
work
Use synonyms
 whatever they want and maybe feel depressed because they choose a different way from what others usually choose.
For example
Linking Words
, in Indonesia,
university
Use synonyms
 degrees are seen as something that
necessary
Verb problem
is necessary
show examples
 for individuals,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 makes some people who did not go to campus and
work
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 might feel stressed by their
surrounding
Fix the agreement mistake
surroundings
show examples
who
Punctuation problem
, who
show examples
keeps
Correct subject-verb agreement
keep
show examples
 asking when they are going to go to uni. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
work
Use synonyms
-based training provides practical skills, faster employment, and reduced costs, it may
also
Linking Words
 limit academic knowledge and long-term career flexibility.
Overall
Linking Words
, I believe the advantages, that vocational pathways can effectively prepare young people for the demands of today's job market.

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grammar
Fix small grammar things that are wrong; e.g., 'lacks of' should be 'lack of', and 'necessary' should be 'necessary for'.
content
Make the main claim about outweighing more clear. State it early and restate it in the end.
cohesion
Use easy linking words to join ideas (but, and, for example, also) to help flow.
style
Split long lines so each sentence has one idea. Keep sentences short and clear.
strength
The writer shows a clear view that work-based training has benefits.
strength
There are real examples from life (Indonesia) to back points.
strength
The piece talks about both sides, not just one side.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-based training
  • enrol
  • university
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • practical skills
  • experience
  • workforce
  • employment
  • earnings
  • opportunities
  • further education
  • theoretical knowledge
  • career options
  • exploitation
  • balance
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