IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many heath problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree

High
sugar
Use synonyms
 level is contained in many processed foods and beverages
due to
Linking Words
 various
flavors
Change the spelling
flavours
show examples
 and innovations in the industry, which
contributes
Correct subject-verb agreement
contribute
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 to deteriorating health quality. Many people believed that increasing processed consumable
goods'
Check wording
goods
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price
Use synonyms
 will lower the
sugar
Use synonyms
 intake in general. Personally, I agree that people will be less inclined to purchase sugary products when they are compared with cheaper products with better health benefits
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 movement encourages manufacturers to produce healthier food
instead
Linking Words
. I
therefore
Linking Words
 agree on the notion of
sugar
Use synonyms
 taxation.
Firstly
Linking Words
, since
price
Use synonyms
 point has always been one of the crucial aspects which determines the customer's tendency to buy a product, making sugary foods more expensive will help customers become more
incline
Replace the word
inclined
show examples
 to buy healthier goods
instead
Linking Words
.
For instance
Linking Words
, if a person
see
Correct subject-verb agreement
sees
show examples
 a soda with twice the
price
Use synonyms
 of a seltzer, which is the healthier version of carbonated drinks, the buying decision will be skewed toward the healthier version.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
sugar
Use synonyms
 taxation helps manipulate customer
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
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 to cut off sugary
products
Fix the agreement mistake
product
show examples
 consumption
in
Change preposition
from
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 marketing and business perspective.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the food and beverage industries are indirectly
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
encouraged to produce
healthier
Correct article usage
a healthier
show examples
 catalogue.
For example
Linking Words
, the government could make regulations that companies had to mark up their
price
Use synonyms
 if the
sugar
Use synonyms
 content per serving was more than 25 grams, which would
pushed
Wrong verb form
push
show examples
 them to reduce the
sugar
Use synonyms
 level to avoid it.
Thus
Linking Words
, the end product would be healthier In sum, high
sugar
Use synonyms
 intake has been a known enemy that needs to be taken under
controlled
Replace the word
control
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.
Hence
Linking Words
 why
sugar
Use synonyms
 taxation is one of the
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 to battle it from the business perspective.

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improvement
Add one more clear idea that shows how tax will lower sugar use in daily life.
improvement
Make each idea link to the next with simple, clear words.
improvement
Check grammar in a few lines and fix verb form and noun use so the flow is smooth.
strength
You state your view at once and keep it to the end.
strength
You use some real examples to back your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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