IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays many people go shopping in their free time. Shopping has replaced many other activities that people used to choose as their hobby. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or negative development?

There is an ongoing debate over whether individuals go to retail environments or engage in traditional
activities
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.
While
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 some
people
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 think individuals spend
time
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 shopping, others argue that it replaces
activities
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such
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 as sports, reading, and social gatherings. I believe
people
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 can do some
activities
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 in their leisure
time
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,
although
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 shopping is a good therapy. One of the main reasons why shopping has become a popular form in modern days.
People
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 enjoy themselves when they go shopping, like visiting malls, and
socializing
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socialising
show examples
 with
people
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.
For example
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, spending
time
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 shopping with friends or family takes out stress. Shopping provides temporary therapy, even if you go for window shopping and exploring new items.
On the other hand
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, traditional
activities
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 play a vital role in a professional lifestyle as well. Physical
activities
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 like jogging or playing team games could be beneficial for health and well-being, as they help to stay positive, and
people
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 can focus easily on their work.
For instance
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, recently, I attended a programme which was related to a social gathering. There, we shared our experiences of how it influenced us.
Furthermore
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, attending social events
also
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 helps reduce stress, build good relationships, and develop communication skills. In conclusion, shopping is a common way to spend their free
time
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, but traditional
activities
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also
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 play a significant role in our lives,
such
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 as sports or social gatherings. By maintaining a balance between these
activities
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, individuals can benefit from both relaxation and meaningful engagement.

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structure
Make the reasons clearer and link them to the main idea in the introduction.
examples
Give more exact examples that fit the topic and explain how they show shopping affects life.
grammar
Check grammar and use simple sentence form; fix errors like 'modern days' to 'modern times'.
coherence
Use better transitions between parts to keep flow.
content
The essay shows a clear idea of both sides.
coherence
It uses linking words well.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Consumerism
  • Retail therapy
  • Materialism
  • Recreational activity
  • Social media influence
  • Advertising
  • Convenience
  • Online shopping
  • Commercial spaces
  • Disposable income
  • Hobby
  • Leisure time
  • Lifestyle changes
  • Technological advancements
  • Trends
  • Material possessions
  • Personal worth
  • Stress relief
  • Societal shift
  • Entertainment factor
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