IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that it is the responsibility of individuals to take care of their own health and diet. Others however believe that governments should make sure that their citizens have a healthy diet.

In recent years, the issue of
health
Use synonyms
care
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 has emerged as a matter of significant concern to the general public.
While
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 some
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 maintain that
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 should be responsible for taking
care
Use synonyms
 of their own
health
Use synonyms
 and
diet
Use synonyms
, I contend that the leadership should encourage people to use the foods in
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
diet
Use synonyms
.
This
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 essay aims to provide a comprehensive analysis of these differing viewpoints. On the one hand, it is essential to recognise that individuals should acknowledge the significant advantages associated with the citizens should responsibility of taking
care
Use synonyms
 of their
health
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 and
diet
Use synonyms
. A crucial consideration is that individuals should choose the foods good for
health
Use synonyms
 from the vegetables like carrots, hurts, tomato or fruits, which highlights that it helps
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 improve
health
Use synonyms
, enhance physical
health
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 and maintain well-being.
In addition
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, another important point to emphasise is that each person should take
care
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 of themselves by going to the hospital for regular
health
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 check-ups.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that it helps avoid disease and has methods to improve their
health
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
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, it is crucial to consider that opposing viewpoints are that the governments should invest in
health
Use synonyms
 systems. A significant factor to explore is that the lawmakers should impose high taxes on unhealthy food to reduce the widespread sale of these items in stores, which underscores that it helps ensure that the healthcare system provides good
care
Use synonyms
 for people.
Furthermore
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, it is essential to highlight that the leaders need to educate the public about nutrition and
health
Use synonyms
 through mass media. In conclusion, an analysis of the differing perspectives on
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 highlights that citizens should take
care
Use synonyms
 of their well-being and
diet
Use synonyms
, and the government needs to make sure that its residents have healthy diets. Ultimately,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 people should be responsible for their well-being and
diet
Use synonyms
.
This
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 examination prompts
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
 to thoughtfully consider their preferences and the experiences that influence their enjoyment.

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clarity
Make your main idea clear in the opening paragraph and keep it the same in the rest of the essay.
coherence
Use simple links to move from one idea to the next.
content
Give small, real examples to show your idea.
language
Check grammar and word form to avoid errors and wrong word choice.
structure
Break long sentences into shorter ones so the ideas are easy to read.
structure
End with a clear line that restates your main view.
structure
You show both sides of the issue.
coherence
You use 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' in a clear way.
content
There is a real attempt to discuss health topics and the role of government.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health-conscious decisions
  • self-discipline
  • informed choices
  • personal accountability
  • regulating food industries
  • implementing policies
  • healthy eating
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies for healthy food
  • enabling environment
  • accessible
  • affordable
What to do next:
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