The bar chart shows the percentage of school children learning to play different musical instruments in 2005, 2010, and 2015.

The chart
illstrates
Correct your spelling
illustrates
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
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of kids training to play guitar,
piano
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,
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drum
Fix the agreement mistake
drums
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and
violin
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between 2005, 2010 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, the guitar
was
Verb problem
apply
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rose significantly to approximately 25%
also
Linking Words
the
piano
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.
However
Linking Words
, the
drum
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and
violin
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was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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approximately between 5% to 10%. The children
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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loving the
Use synonyms
guiter
Correct your spelling
guitar
and
piano
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throughout the period more than the other musical instruments. In
2005
Punctuation problem
2005,
show examples
Use synonyms
guiter
Correct your spelling
guitar
reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
around 10% but the
piano
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was near
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
guitar
guiter
Punctuation problem
guiter,
show examples
is
Verb problem
and it
show examples
was
also
Linking Words
around 10%. In
2010
Punctuation problem
2010,
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the
Use synonyms
guiter
Correct your spelling
guitar
was
rasing
Use the right word
rising
show examples
to exactly 20%, but the
piano
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rise
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
approximately to 17%. In
2015
Punctuation problem
2015,
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the
Use synonyms
guiter
Correct your spelling
figure
exceeded 25%.
However
Linking Words
,
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piano
Correct article usage
the piano
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was exactly 25%. The
drum
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and
violin
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thier
Correct your spelling
there
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
a few
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
kids
take
Wrong verb form
who took
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it
, in
Punctuation problem
. In
show examples
2005
Punctuation problem
2005,
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the
drum
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was around 5% but the
violin
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was around 7.5%. In 2010 they
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
steady
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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in 2015 the
drum
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reached around 8%
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
However
Linking Words
, the
violin
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receding
Wrong verb form
receded
show examples
to around 6%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, however".
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words piano, violin, drum, guiter with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 6 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage
  • musical instruments
  • school children
  • trends
  • popularity
  • increases
  • decreases
  • comparison
  • analysis
  • demographic factors
  • societal trends
  • educational policies
  • influence
  • cultural development
  • accessibility
  • musical education
  • participation
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